really-really

OMG. That is all.

2011-12-31T11:56:00.001-06:00

Good news, everyone!

2011-11-26T10:31:00.002-06:00

I was able to update my shipping address on most websites. Amazon now has my correct address.

My wishlist, should you care to buy me a birthday or Christmas gift, is http://tinyurl.com/ya7d7vd.

The new apartment's effect on my birthday

2011-11-10T09:17:00.002-06:00

Given the hassles I had with my old apartment, my new apartment is FANTASTIC. I love having Ben as a roommate, the construction is all new and pretty, I have a nice peaceful little "lakelet" view from my patio, and I'm within stumbling distance of one of my favorite bars.

However, I also have an unforeseen difficulty. Since the complex is so new, most websites do not recognize the address as valid yet. The USPS recognizes it, but most websites use a verification database that updates periodically and doesn't have the latest information.

This presents a problem because, even if I can get a rep to manually change my address in an account on a given website, the address is likely to get challenged during checkout when purchasing anything requiring shipping. This is especially unfortunate right now, because it impedes people's ability to buy me birthday gifts from my wishlist.

There are a couple of workarounds I can propose for out-of-town folks who would like to send me something for my birthday this month:

Send it to the address on file and hope the United States Post Office forwards it without hassle. Success rate in the last month has been 50% with a sample set of two packages. :(
Come visit me!
Buy something from my Kindle wishlist.
Look through my regular wishlist, choose something you'd like to buy me, and send me a personal gift of funds via PayPal to jess%narcissica!com (you know what to do to make that a valid address). Make sure you put in the payment note that it's for my birthday, and tell me which item from my list I am supposed to buy for myself.
Send me a personal payment via PayPal for something fun and not on my list. If you're sending me enough to cover an intended purpose, you can even earmark it for something specific by adding a note telling me what frivolous item I'm supposed to buy with it (e.g. "Get yourself a pedicure", "Have a pitcher of beer on me", "Go see The Devil Makes Three at the Slowdown on Friday", etc.)
Send me money to put toward one of my car payments for the car I had to buy to replace Strongbad when he croaked a couple of weeks ago. It's like the gift of stress reduction!

Bear in mind, I'm not pressuring anyone to get me a gift. My love for my family and friends is not conditional on the receipt of presents. However, if I would otherwise have a gift coming to me, I'd rather remove any obstacle that could prevent it!

Please feel free to post other creative solutions in the comments!

<3 Jess

Seasonal

2011-11-09T01:20:00.001-06:00

We are Autumn,
Our colors riotous,
Joyous, spectacular,
Tenacious...
Twitching, swirling, descending,
Beautiful while we lasted.

Year in review: my 37th on the planet

2011-11-07T23:25:00.002-06:00

So, my birthday's coming up in a few weeks. Birthdays are really important to me. I'm one of the only adults I know who still spazzes out over the importance of birthdays. I make a big deal out of other people's birthdays, because I want people to make a big deal out of mine. It's My Day. I want presents, and cake, and booze, and celebration... and most of all, I want to be treated like a princess.

And after the year I've had, I think I've freakin' earned it, ya know? Let's take a look.

I started my 37th year in the midst of a cancer scare. After 20 years of remission from Hodgkin's Disease, I had mysterious spots on my liver that showed up on two different types of scans. It wasn't until after three months of tests and waiting and fretting had passed and I was prepped for my biopsy and the surgeon wanted to do another scan, that he looked at both scans and discovered they were in different places. We were, literally, jumping at shadows.

Then my love-of-my-life relationship with Thomas crumbled into pieces.

Then I totally blew my progress on my New Year's resolution to read 100 books. I totally had it in the bag until then. F'realz.

Then I strained a ligament in my knee.

Then my car died. (RIP, Strongbad. I miss you!)

Then I ended up back in debt after climbing out of it this year.

All right, so granted, there's a silver lining for each of the above. I mean...

I didn't have cancer.

After breaking up with Thomas I became far more social and made a metric shit ton of new friends.

I haven't had time to read because I got into Rockabilly and Swing Dancing, and also found an awesome group of people that I hang with every Wednesday night solely for the purpose of drinking and wearing costumes.

My knee healed hella fast.

My car... well no, that still just kinda sucks. I mean, I have a new used car now, but I am not feeling the love for it yet.

The debt... well, I guess I did get out of debt this year just in time to field the car crisis, right?

So, I guess I'd rate this year 3 out of 5 stars.

Jess

Stormtroopers' 9/11

2011-09-11T19:03:00.001-05:00

NEVER FORGET (this conversation)!

2011-09-11T18:52:00.007-05:00

Click the image to see the un-smooshed version, if you care to.

Seething

2011-09-06T09:00:00.002-05:00

I'm almost over being bitter at wasting 2 1/2 years of my dating career on monogamy. Right now I'm bitter at the financial expenditure, and the fact that it doesn't even earn me a couple of hours help cleaning out the apartment I paid for almost entirely without assistance. The utter lack of regard for me as a PERSON deserving of kept promises. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep, especially when they were unsolicited anyway.

Fresh pain

2011-07-31T20:22:00.002-05:00

I went back to some old pics of us to reminisce... and I just discovered he unfriended me on Facebook at some point. He had stayed friended for a few months, and I figured his disappearance from the chat list was because he rarely ever signed on... but no. He untagged himself from all my photos and unfriended me... it's like I never happened in his history.

It's a fresh wound right over the old one. It hurts.

Ton of bricks

2011-07-31T19:00:00.002-05:00

I went to a play today with my mom. It was a two-person cast, so both actors were on stage for pretty much the whole thing. One of the actors evoked this strong sense of familiarity, and I couldn't quite figure it out until the second act.

His mannerisms, movement, build, and even his looks to some degree, reminded me of Thomas. From that point on I couldn't watch the play and see the character or even the actor... all I could see was this dude who looked like Thomas.

Breaking up was the correct thing to do. I still miss him a lot.

The CDC recognizes the danger

2011-06-07T01:04:00.002-05:00

Back in the saddle

2011-03-18T22:30:00.003-05:00

Today is the first day I felt good since coming down with the flu Sunday night. I forced myself to work out. My lungs are still achy from coughing so I told myself that if I couldn't do my promised 2 miles/10 minutes, that would be okay. I pushed myself and did 2.1 miles/10:30. Baby steps. I'll build up some more as I go along.

Bookwise, I am am 20% complete with my challenge. The year is 21% complete. I'm much of the way through one audiobook and one Kindle book though, so I'm more or less on target. I'd still like to get a lead though. I started to read a book and found I really couldn't stand it. I was only 7% of the way through it when I pitched it, but I still lament wasted time.

My cat chewed through my earphones this morning while I was in the shower. I told him how betrayed I felt that he presented such a setback to my challenge. He looked remorseful for a moment, but it could just as easily have been about some other yet-undiscovered crime. Or it could have been gas. I replaced the earphones today. I got to Best Buy 3 minutes before closing. Win!

Just so you know

2011-03-14T11:44:00.000-05:00

I did NOT come down with the plague just to get out of exercising.

Challenges

2011-03-14T00:11:00.002-05:00

Reading challenge: 18% done. Year: 20% done. Still working on catching up.

Exercise challenge: 10 minutes/1.8 miles on bike yesterday. None today. Ate wings today. Feeling tubby and sad about feeling tubby. My clothes are shrinking and my scale tells vicious lies. Motivated to use the bike right now but it is late and the bike makes squeaky noises and the kids are asleep in the next room. Will work out tomorrow when I get home from work. I mean it!

Parenting challenge: Thomas had the kids all weekend over here and he was running a pretty horrific fever the entire time, which made him weak as a kitten and snowed out for the entirety of the weekend. W. was still on the tail end of his bug, and M. may or may not be coming down with one too. I mediated many disputes between twins. I fixed snacks a few times and cuddled with them while they watched netflix. I let them play with the Legos in my Creationary game and tried not to be uptight as I watched the pieces scatter everywhere several times. I procured and distributed about 12-15 glasses of water for assorted Burbach males throughout the weekend. I fetched 6 cups of tea and 3 doses of Tylenol. I took about 9 or so temperatures. I'll admit that I fled a few times - once to go to the laundromat, once to play a few card games with CJ, and again tonight to go to my Pathfinder game.

I still think I suck at stepmomming, but I did manage not to raise my voice. I wasn't even mean or anything... except for when I turned off the Wii mid-game in response to prolonged bargaining attempts after I warned that the terms for bedtime were non-negotiable. Then I was treated to a chorus of that sound that kids make that is not quite full-on crying... it's like a more sustainable form of "lite" crying that kids do when they think they'll be at it for a while and want to conserve energy to get through the long haul. It began to sound harmonic and almost soothing after a few minutes, like monks chanting. I helped them get their jammies on while they wound down.

Honestly though, the boys did really well over a tough weekend. They just saw their Grandma die in the hospital on Friday night. Then they spent a weekend watching their Dad shivering under a blanket, glassy-eyed and weak, and running a 103 temp. In their little 4 year old brains they're doing the math and wondering if Daddy is going to die. Considering that, the boys were saints.

Starting small...

2011-03-10T22:37:00.004-06:00

Well, no... really I'm starting big and want to get small. But I will take small steps.

Today: 11 minutes/2 miles on my new second-hand-exercise-bike-with-arm-thingers-on-it (henceforth to be referred to as SHEBWATOI). Um, I also helped carry the damned heavy thing from the SUV of the woman who sold it to me and was kind enough to transport it. So that's like some lifting and stuff, too - right?

My commitment is to start with at least 3 days a week, at least 10 minutes/2 miles each time. I know it's a wussy beginning, but I will work up from there. I'd like to get into good enough shape to think buying a real bike is a good idea, and that a hash trail laid by Hand Solo is endurable.

Update on the reading challenge: Counting just the completed books, I am 16% of the way to my goal. The year is about 19% complete. I have to step it up. Perdido Street Station is seriously just CRAWLING. I don't know why everyone raves about it. I mean, it's a good book, just not as enthralling as everyone made it out to be. I'm 90% done with that, so I think a couple of big pushes should do it finally. I think I'll probably read something smutty next, just to burn through something fast.

I've been accused of cheating since several of the books I've "read" have been audiobooks. I still maintain that since they are read aloud word for word and are not adapted or interpreted, they still count. So, nyah.

Resolution

2011-01-02T16:09:00.005-06:00

My new year's resolution is to read 100 books in 2011. I vacillate between thinking this is completely doable and thinking I'm insane for thinking I can do it. I mean, some of my reading choices are 1000-page monstrosities. Then again, sometimes I read graphic novels. I waffled over whether or not those should count and polled the audience on facebook, and the overwhelming response was that they should. (It occurs to me that maybe my resolution should have been to stop vacillating, waffling, and relying on facebook for help in decision-making, but that can always be my 2012 resolution... I mean, if people think it should. ;) )

So anyway, I decided not to count the book that I am finishing up right now that I read about 90% of in 2010, but I am counting trade paperbacks and graphic novels. I think that my new Kindle (thank you, Thomas!) will help me immensely in this undertaking, as the things that slow me down the most with bigger books are hand cramps from holding the book open, and finding a comfortable position in which to read for long periods of time. The Kindle is portable and light and I will be able to go from one book right to the next without having to carry multiple books around. There is also the option to download recorded books from Audible.com (though they are pretty pricy) and there's a text-to-speech option on most books, too. (I wonder if that's like being read to by Stephen Hawking.) I also read a tip from someone who suggested setting the TTS speed for about as fast as you can read visually and turn the sound off, and then you have an automatic page-turner for hands-free reading.

I've been building a list of suggested reads, and I can download first chapters to decide if I want to buy them. I have been adding Kindle versions of books to an Amazon wishlist. I also have a bunch of books on a watch list at eReaderIQ.com, where I can be notified when the prices drop on my listed titles.

I'm pretty excited about this. I'll try to find time enough between reads to post some updates about it. :)

Dear men of the world

2010-06-25T12:07:00.004-05:00

Dear men of the world,

Go see a doctor. Stop putting it off. It's a few hours of your life. It's ridiculous to put off going because you know if you go they'll just find something. If there's something to find and you don't find it now, it will be that much worse later. You are not a beater car that can be driven into the ground. There is no new you to buy when this you gets too beat-up. Do the recommended maintenance.

Also, stop making your girlfriend/wife/significant other/whatever nag you about going. She doesn't want to be put in a position to nag any more than you want to hear it. She just cares about you and wants you to be healthy.

Thank you.

Love,
Jess

The dream I had

2010-06-15T08:04:00.004-05:00

Rick, from work, is an older gentleman. Nice guy, pretty funny. We work in an environment where some technical troubleshooting comes into play from time to time, and on the geekiness scale from Pac Man to Marlboro Man, he's way on the cowboy end of the spectrum.

That's why it surprised me, even in my dream, when Rick told me that he played World of Warcraft and had epic characters with much sought-after gear. He dropped terms that only a WoW gamer would know. I don't think the detail of the dream actually specified which ones, but the understanding was achieved in the dream. He said he was having a big LAN party at his house, and I should go.

Cut to the party. I get there and Rick logs in and shows me his character. It's all decked out in epic gear and he's got lots of money. I'm still stunned that this is Rick. I shrug off my amazement, and log into my own account.

Suddenly it's not a party, it's an intervention. It's a big room with a folding chair in the middle and other chairs arrayed in a semi-circle in front of it. Friends and family are there, and they're telling me that I have to give up World of Warcraft because it's destroying my life. Rick is there, leading the charge, spouting questionable statistics and "facts" that sound like they're straight out of a pamphlet for an organization with an anti-gaming agenda. I'm stunned and I really have nothing to say. I am sitting there with the words falling around me and trying to figure out why Rick had a character that was so powerful if he hated gaming so much.

Then realization dawns. An image solidifies in my memory of the screen where he showed me his stats. The "camera" of my dream perspective zooms in, and the level of the character is a zero. I race from the chair over to my computer and log back into my account, and my character has been cleaned out. All of my loot and gold have been stolen. I turn angrily on Rick and accuse him of staging the intervention to steal my stuff. He denies involvement.

I ask Rick where he learned enough about gaming to lure me in, and he shows me the website for the association that trained him to stage these interventions for the betterment of mankind. I do a bunch of research and show Rick that he had been duped as well. The leader is a scam artist.

The scam involves a member of the group coming out to the dupe's house to set up the network for a LAN party trap. This is necessary for most of the people who are hosting these interventions because they are, by and large, either technophobes or at least not very tech savvy. The way they set up the network, they can grab any information sent through it, including passwords. Their dupe is instructed to keep up the charade until the target has logged into their account(s), and then to spring the intervention on them. The dupe thinks the intervention is the goal... but the reality is that while he's keeping the target busy, the scammer is busy breaking into their account and stealing stuff so that it can be sold on eBay.

Some things to note in the aftermath - I haven't played WoW in years, I never had an account worth enough to justify this amount of work, there is no level 0 in WoW, and why the hell would you go to all the trouble of faking having a bunch of gold and loot and NOT fake a high level?

It's still a really detailed story that had a twist ending, and I was pretty impressed with myself for creating it in my sleep.

Song for you-know-who

2010-03-01T20:12:00.001-06:00

Poor Shakespeare

I’ve got an idea
Tell me what you think
We’ll pack a couple of sandwiches
And bring something to drink
We’ll get into your car
And drive an hour or two
I’ve got an idea
‘bout what we should do

The ides of March
Belong to you and me
Shakespeare has nothing now
But I just can’t feel bad

I’ll take some pictures of you
Like I did before
Leaning back and smiling up
At the one that you adore
Bits of leaves in your hair
And scattered on the ground
I’ll take some pictures of you
And keep them around

If we were Will’s
We’d speak iambicly
Strut and fret upon a stage
And be heard no more

Let’s go for a drive
And bring the blanket, dear
Additional significance
Will warm us through the year
Riding shotgun with you
Who cares if it’s cold?
Let’s go for a drive
And let our story unfold

Riding here next to you
Our story unfolds
And you and I will decide
How it will be told

(copyright 2010, Jessica Kent)

Pathfinding

2009-04-27T12:53:00.004-05:00

On trail
We follow the chalk and flour
Under and among and past and through
Sweating and smiling
Singing and panting
Occasionally recalibrating
Sometimes backtracking
On-on to the celebrations
And then to other trails
In the weeks and months and years to come

Copyright 2009 Jessica Bragg

WTF, man?

2009-04-22T13:52:00.004-05:00

I'm really kinda sick of calling the Division of Jurors in NY to explain that I haven't lived there in over 10 years. Srsly. Get it together.

I'm still alive

2009-03-29T12:02:00.003-05:00

My health is steadily improving. My lungs are actually filling with real air!

My relationship with Thomas is still going strong and we are very, very much in love. We celebrated two months together the other day, and he brought me a balloon at work that reads "Thanks for a job well done!" He's a smart-ass.

Work is going well. My stats are slowly improving and my confidence in my knowledge is growing. I've found my informational niche and enjoy being the go-to person for my peers on a couple of topics. I also got to see some hard work pay off the other day when I made a specific caller my personal project for a portion of the day and resolved a complicated issue, getting a charity account back up and running. It felt good to get the account functional, and to solve the problem, and to have been the only one to solve the problem so far.

My trip to NYC was pretty good. I got to fulfill 3 of my 4 cuisine procurement objectives, and see about 75% of the people I hoped to see. I got very drunk and left my phone in a cab, but I have my replacement and I'll survive the loss. I hashed twice while I was there, and it feels like New Yorkers do it all wrong (how's THAT for an exchange of loyalties!) I'll post about that eventually in my Hash Blog.

Updates

2009-03-08T13:25:00.005-05:00

Health:
I am finally over the worst of the plague. I had a 102.7 fever, chills, body aches, weakness, etc, and it was pretty scary. It's settled in my chest so I have a pretty gnarly sounding cough, but I am definitely on the upswing. The really good part is that, as a result of being sick,I finished reaching one of my big weight loss goals and I am now half the weight I was when I began my journey 4 years ago.

Love:
I am still head over heels in love with Thomas. He took really good care of me while I was sick, and as a result ended up catching the plague from me. He ended up with a fever over 105 degrees, and was delirious with hallucinations at one point. He really freaked me out. I mean, I was mostly scared for his safety, but I was certainly also concerned about the possibility of being stuck with a boyfriend whose brain cells were all cooked. I mean, it's not like I could leave him after he got that way taking care of me. I keed, I keed.

Money:
Still fretting hardcore about money. I'm supposed to meet with Michael today to do taxes, but he hasn't gotten back to me. I'm really afraid we will owe again this year, and I have no idea where we'll find that money. I'm frantically juggling my bills and keep discovering ones I've missed. My plane tickets for my trip on the 18th to visit my family are paid for, but just totaling some of the incidental expenses for the trip in my head is making my stomach hurt. I put in my application for West at Home, and am hoping to get a decent assignment where a handful of hours a week will mean a little extra breathing room. I'll have to get a land line installed in order to do it, so that's an expense... sigh.

Miscellaneous:
On a lighter note, my cat gave me a back massage the other day. No joke. He was doing that kneading thing that cats do, and he was a few inches away from the part of my back that was hurting from my shoulder injury. I gently scooched a bit so his kneading would line up with it, and he gave me a really nice massage for a full minute. I wish I could train him to do that on demand.

Diving in headlong

2009-02-28T13:45:00.003-06:00

I'm in it completely. There's no caution anymore for either of us. We're both utterly invested. I trust him to be honest and devoted and to want to give me more than any ten people could. More importantly, I just trust him entirely. I'm much more okay with this than I ever imagined I would be.

And see what he has written about me

2009-02-25T01:45:00.005-06:00

Here, and here.

The first link is a heart-wrenching post where he tells our story from his side, and the second is the poem he wrote for me for Valentine's Day. (My gift to him was this.)

My resolve is slipping

2009-02-23T13:29:00.009-06:00

How am I supposed to hold my ground when he makes me feel like this?

There are more pictures from The VIP party last night here.

Considering reconsideration

2009-02-19T12:21:00.005-06:00

Well, I've stepped into it again.

First, let me catch you (all 3 of my readers) up on some events:

I'm not divorced yet. Michael and I are not getting back together, but we also haven't felt urgency about pursuing the divorce yet. We're communicating civilly, we still care about one another quite a bit, and we're being adult-type humans about the situation. This is a goodness. The last thing in the world that I want to do is cause him any more hurt. The decision to split was about stopping the damage we were doing to one another.

Since then, I have been in a few intense relationships and several peripheral involvements, all the while maintaining my sovereignty, and certain that I will be polyamorous and autonomous forever. I have been certain that I will not marry again, and absolutely never will I mix finances again... and while I have nothing against falling in love and love to do it frequently, my plan was to do it at arm's length going forward.

Plans are so quaint.

So, along comes Thomas. He works at SpendFriend too. He and I exchanged a few casual words and flirted ever so gently. He claims he recognized the chemistry first, but I caught on pretty quickly thereafter. Within days we were both certain that we were in pretty deep water. We chalked it up to New Relationship Energy at first, but before long we realized that beneath that, we have been falling deeply, undeniably, ridiculously in love. Mentally I have been doodling hearts in my imaginary Trapper Keeper, and writing my first name and his last name, and packing his kids' lunches. One day I confessed these imaginings to him, and instead of getting a wild, cornered look in his eyes, he smiled and sighed and decided it was a beautiful concept to consider. We're both aware that it's silly to even toy with such ideas so soon, but we're opting to kid ourselves that we do it with a grain of salt and cynicism.

There's only been one other person that I fell for so rapidly and so completely. He and I got married and I spent 5 years with him. I don't regret that time. I regret that Michael and I weren't able to fix the problems as quickly as they arose. My interaction with Thomas feels that intense and that pure, and feels like a second chance at The Great Relationship.

So, here I am, giddy and optimistic, and enjoying building this gloriously fantastic construction with a man with whom I can imagine another, different, successful forever... and we come to a crack in the foundation. It's a pretty significant issue.

I had been up-front with Thomas from the beginning about my polyamory. He admired it in me, and thought that it's a great way to be. He was okay with accepting it as just another aspect of my personality, and didn't react jealously when I spoke about others I was seeing. He was understanding and supportive when I was reeling from two break-ups with the other men I had been dating. It eventually became clear to him, however, that as he fell more deeply in love with me, his ability to share me was waning. He arrived at the conclusion yesterday, that he would not be able to handle it in our relationship. He says it's not jealousy, or a need to control, or insecurity about how I feel about him. It's complicated and I almost understand how it isn't those things. I'm trying to get it.

*sigh*

Furthermore, he told me that he will not allow me to sublimate again, because he knows that I did it in a past relationship and had stated firmly that I wouldn't do it again. So, he can't acclimate to polyamory, and says he won't accept me converting to monogamy, but he's not walking away either. What am I supposed to do with this?

In my experience in mediation, I've learned that resolution is most likely to occur if both parties are predisposed to examination first and foremost of what they're willing to compromise in order to make things work. I have endeavored to do that whenever I am confronted with a dispute.

So we had a long talk. We arrived at some compromises... for now. I have a small fear that the tenuousness of the arrangement will override the purity of the connection we're establishing... and I would almost welcome that. If I could only fall out of love with him, the problem would be solved. But, I don't foresee that happening. We're too good at respectfully and productively examining differences. The connections we've made and discovered and keep making and discovering are too perfect in their formation.

...And the sex is phenomenal. I mean, really. Life-changing. Transcendent. But, anyway.

I continue to consider what I am willing to give up. I continue to consider consequences of every sacrifice, and the consequences of standing firm on individual points. I want to just surrender entirely to him, but the way that we handle this initial crisis sets the tone for every difference of opinion to come. It feels petty to weigh the details like this, but it also feels necessary.

So, what's the current status? We're good. We're together. We're in love. We're communicating. We're sharing. We're still giddy to see one another. We're not pretending that we don't have a problem, but we're also not going to focus all of our energy on beating our fists against it. It's a crossword puzzle to set down when stumped and pick up again later when perspective is fresh.

Cross your fingers for us.

Zombie Walk 2008/Zombie Trash the Dress

2008-10-29T17:08:00.010-05:00

Pictures of me from the Omaha Zombie Walk 2008, which was also my Trash the Dress with Chris Tierney. A few of the pics were taken by other photographers, as noted below.

Photo above by Marquis de Lather.

Photo above by BoomerangThang.

Photo above from pollywogfoto.

A couple more sand pictures

2008-07-10T00:29:00.001-05:00

Sand art

2008-07-08T20:23:00.002-05:00

I found a nifty site called thisissand.com. I made the following picture:

Hash migration

2008-06-16T02:30:00.002-05:00

Posts specifically about hashing stuff will now be made in my new hashing blog, Tales From the Tap.

Take my breath away

2008-06-03T18:45:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, I believed that the trail was kicking my ass because I'm out of shape, or because I'm anemic and haven't been on top of my iron intake, or because I didn't eat that day. Well, it was probably a little of all of that, but it was also probably due to Alinia.

I'm on Alinia to treat my resistant clostridium difficile, which is a bacterium that lives in a lot of people's digestive tracts, but severely affects a very small (but growing) percentage of the population. It's amazingly tenacious in those individuals. I'm part of an exclusive set of people who are paving the way for treatment of this affliction, because doctors are throwing treatments at us and seeing what sticks. Alinia, which has previously been used to treat patients with cryptosporidium, is what worked for me last time. We'd tried a very long course of Vancomycin - I mean, thousands of dollars worth (thank God for health insurance) which worked briefly but then stopped working. Then the doctor put me on a 9 day course of Alinia, which worked like a charm and I was fine for a long while. Then I started having symptoms again a few months ago.

So, the doc has me on Alinia again... and I have been on it for 5 days with 4 to go. The problem is, I have noticed fatigue, dizziness, and an inability to draw deep breaths. Initially, I chalked it up to the reasons I listed in the first paragraph. I was out on trail in the heat, carrying a backpack, and I am not used to a lot of activity. But then in the last few days, I realized I am having trouble drawing a deep breath even while at a resting state. My fatigue is greater than can be explained from my level of activity, and I am back on the right amount of iron and eating properly.

I called the I.D. doc who put me on the stuff, and he told me that Alinia hasn't really been tested in courses of longer than 3 days. He said it's always possible that there is another reason for the shortness of breath etc, but that I should see my Internal Medicine doc to discuss it. He and I are both reluctant to take me off of the medicine if doing so will allow the c. diff to rally, especially since we don't really have a next step to try. So I made an appointment with my Internal Medicine doc for tomorrow afternoon, and I'm to keep an eye on my symptoms in the meanwhile and go to the ER if things get bad.

Just as the icing on the cake, tomorrow morning I am scheduled for an interview for a position I really want at work. I have been waiting for this posting to open for a year, and I need to get it. Now I have to do the interview all wound up from this medication and feeling like crap. This is far from optimal, but I'm still determined to ace it.

My first hash writeup

2008-06-02T17:34:00.002-05:00

I've recently begun participating in an awesome activity on weekends. The club is called the Hash House Harriers, otherwise known as a drinking club with a running problem. A pretty decent explanation can be found here, and the site for my specific chapter (or kennel) is found here.

Here's a reposting of my first hash writeup, which was for my third hash:

Recap: Omaha Hash #323 - First Burn Hash

I'd already begun writing this when Urine Sodomy piped up and said he'd take over for Flamboyatron, but Urine was nice enough to let me write this recap since I'd already started, for which I am grateful. Y'know how it is... when someone else comes before I reach completion that's okay, as long as I get to finish too.

The day was bright and hot as we trickled into Buffalo Wild Wings. The mood was good and everyone was happy to see Hand Solo, back from the dead. Our group grew to an intimidating size - so intimidating, in fact, that the waitresses apparently were too scared to take orders, serve beers, and collect tips!

Eventually, everyone was gathered up by Cock Controller, who brought the pack out behind the BW3 and explained the marks he seemed to think he had used. He also gave the group his phone number before he sprinted off. The crowd was then entertained by Tico Taz singing a very amusing song about the days of the week and fisting. Then people wandered off for a few minutes, probably to find the men's room of every nearby establishment so that CC's number could be shared. Bronze Bunz awarded Hand Solo the Bra of Backsliding, which he manfully(?) donned.

After a short trip under a bridge and along a bike path, we reached a beer check, where Triple P caught up with us and Tico Taz fell into a hole (and didn't even get her name). Then we continued along the bike path until we saw Hand Solo doubling back along a street on the other side of a field. Being the lazy bastards we are, we gleefully cut across. The trail then meandered through a residential neighborhood where VW did some networking with the locals and gave out some of his hash cards, and Urine Sodomy got wood that lasted throughout the rest of the hash (if it lasts more than four hours, please call a doctor). We made it to a photo check we hadn't been warned we'd find, where VW promptly dropped someone's camera. Once the photos had been taken, we went on-on and were very fucking careful of thorns, as warned. Lost in Pi taught Thanks for the Mammaries a song to help her remember the digits of Pi, which is a good thing because now she knows that Pi begins with a 3. There was another beer check in some tall grass, but I was more like BUSHED Beer on Tap (AM I RITE LOL) and I decided to brave the possibility of insect bites and collapsed onto the ground. After many people helpfully offered a wide range of medical advice, we finished our beverages and then pushed through to look for the continuation of the trail.

After a while of not finding the trail, Bronze Bunz told me to go ahead and call Cock Controller, which I did. He said "go right", which I did. By the time I found the general area based on this detailed set of instructions, the pack was already picking up the marks on their own, which is a damned good thing because I wasn't very confident in the validity of "go right", anyway. Some of us climbed a gate, for which we received much ribbing from the folks who walked through the huge gap (still didn't get her name) that was two fence segments away from the gate we climbed. We then walked along a ridge until we came to the Turkey-Eagle split. All but a few folks decided to go for the Eagle. At the last minute, No Name Samantha and friends decided to switch to the Turkey, and did so by running down a steep hill. (Well - running down most of it... Sam decided that the last several feet might be more fun to traverse on her head.) Where the Turkey and Eagle met up, there was a Hash Halt. When the Eaglegoers finally caught up with the Turkeygoers, the pack progressed through some trees where it looked for a moment like the beer might have been stolen.

Finally we happened upon the beer at the final beer check. There was a declaration of necrophilia (from Hot Sement), and some spilling of alcohol (by Tico Taz?), and a hare was snared (though this hare was much cuter than Cock Controller, and was released back into the wild, where it was probably eaten by its mother for smelling like humans). We continued out of the wooded area and back out onto the street, where there was a K9 police car sitting on the street. Several hashers had some strangely paranoid reactions at seeing this. Hand Solo and No Name Nicki ranged out in different directions to find the trail, and the rest of the pack seemed satisfied to chill out at the corner and relax. No Name Nicki was the one who chose wisely, and the rest of us followed her up a hill and then down onto a pleasant little walking path that no one knew about. On this path, Tico Taz answered his phone to give people directions to where he believed the on-in would be, and I texted Cock Controller who had texted me because he was getting bored while waiting for us to show up. (We both drank for it later, of course.)

We then meandered through some more residential area, and into an apartment complex. A true trail arrow pointed people into a garage on one of the apartments, through which we walked to find the on-in and barbecue on the lawn on the other side. The apartment, unbeknownst to the hashers, belonged to Bush Beer on Tap (yours truly, this reporter) whose husband was there with Cock Controller, serving up grilled brats, barbecue wings, chips, and all manner of beverages.

After a short while, Urine Sodomy rounded everyone up for the circle. Violations were called, songs were sung, beers were consumed, and virgins were deflowered. Halfway through, we were joined by Hold the Meat, No Name Amber, and Deep Frodo, who brought his little hobbitlings with him. After the circle was dispersed, the hobbitlings expended copious amounts of youthful energy by running around and performing somersaults. Soon they were joined by Thanks for the Mammaries and No Name Vinie, who decided to have a drunken somersault race across the lawn, much to everyone's amusement. No Name Samantha and No Name Tasha were wrestling on the lawn as dusk began to fall.

I finally began encouraging people's departure, and people left to go attempt to find the on-after at Tico Taz's place, where I hear they finally arrived and watched some Carlos Mencia and drank some more alcohol.

In attendance were:
Cock Controller (hare)
Urine Sodomy
Penguin Pucker
Hand Solo
Tico Taz
Triple P
Bronze Bunz
Lost in Pi
Virgin Whisperer
Spring-loaded Pussy
Whack-A-Mole
Hot Sement
Bush Beer on Tap
Thanks for the Mammaries
No Name Anna
No Name Samantha
No Name Nicki
No Name Vinie (virgin)
No Name Tasha (virgin)
Hold the Meat (just for on-in)
No Name Amber (just for on-in)
Deep Frodo (just for on-in)
Frodo's hobbitlings (just for on-in)
Bush Beer on Tap's husband, Mike (whose patience and devotion are without bounds)

If I missed anyone or misspelled anyone's name, I apologize profusely. You may spank me for it at a later time. Email me for an appointment.

Love,
Bush Beer on Tap

It's about freaking time

2008-04-21T19:33:00.004-05:00

So there are still ass hats out there who are rating me a 1 or 2, but there are far more who've actually rated me a 10 (something I never expected, especially for a picture where my thighs look so big). Even my other two pics each scored a 7.2.

Took some pics of my kitties today

2008-03-24T13:57:00.005-05:00

First I snapped a pic of Willow sleeping. She'd been sleeping there all day.

Then I did a photo essay of Xander the cuddlewhore/camwhore:

Then I got a couple of pics of Eris before she told me to mind my fucking business.

And I got the same from Willow.

Filtering my AWA posts

2008-03-19T17:39:00.006-05:00

Here are links to all of my writings on All Write Already!, which is a co-operative blog that some friends and I were on for a while. We would take turns furnishing a topic for the group to write about. Below are some of the stories, poems, etc that I produced, in chronological order (the better stuff is probably toward the end of the list):

Startoff post
Topic: Work
Topic: Sleep
Topic: Dinner guest
Topic: Punctuality
Topic: Pain
Topic: Color
Topic: Mistaken identity
Topic: Frustration
Topic: Carrying a torch
Topic: Hair
Topic: Emergency
Topic: Obligations
Topic: Coming home
Topic: Pirates
Topic: Hands
Topic: Tails
Topic: Renewal
Topic: Struggle
Topic: Pants (Bonus Subtopic: Stolen)
Topic: Grievances
Topic: Guilty pleasures
Topic: Piracy
Topic: What keeps you going?
Topic: Tree-climbing
Topic: Coffee/Caffeine
Topic: Storytelling
Topic: Borrowing
Topic: Muzzle
Topic: In other words
Topic: Hype

And here are the ones that my hubby wrote:

Response to the startoff post
Topic: Work
Topic: Sleep
Topic: Dinner guest
Topic: Punctuality
Topic: Pain
Topic: Color
Topic: Mistaken identity
Topic: Frustration
Topic: Carrying a torch
Topic: Desperation
Topic: Obligations
Topic: Poop
Topic: Insomnia
Topic: Cartography
Topic: Evolution
Topic: Absence
Topic: Eulogies
Topic: Renewal
Topic: Struggle
Topic: Pants (Bonus Subtopic: Stolen)
Topic: Grievances
Topic: Guilty pleasures
Topic: Piracy
Topic: What keeps you going?
Topic: Tree-climbing
Topic: Coffee/Caffeine
Topic: Symbols
Topic: Pinnacle/Peak/Orgasm/Climax
Topic: Make-up
Topic: Grit
Picture topic
Topic: Air

There were several other contributors who were also posting their work all along the time that we were posting ours, and if you enjoyed any of it I encourage you to go read the other posts. I've just been telling myself for a while that I would put all of the stuff I did for that blog together in a convenient place. Once I began, I decided to separate Michael's stuff out as well.

More proof of my geeketry

2008-03-08T19:39:00.002-06:00

The Two Year Mark

2007-08-22T19:33:00.001-05:00

July 27th of this year marked the second anniversary of my surgery. I have a photo shoot scheduled soon with a friend to get some really good pics, but in the meanwhile, I had Michael snap a few today. First, as a reminder, this was me before:

And this is me now:

Quite a difference, eh?

Well, duh!

2007-07-28T11:25:00.001-05:00

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100%
Punctuation: 100%
Spelling: 100%
Vocabulary: 100%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

Better geek quiz, perhaps?

2007-07-01T19:56:00.000-05:00

86%

Well, maybe... but the linking graphic sure don't like blogger.

The geek test

2006-12-25T10:54:00.000-06:00

I score 38.2643% geekiness.

Yeah, that's right. The score is measured to 4 decimal places.

I'm not a 10

2006-11-19T10:01:00.000-06:00

I understand that I am not a 10. I never had any illusions about being a 10. But goddamn it, I am not a 1, or a 2, or even a 3. So why the hell is this shit occurring?

It's not like I'm going to cry or anything, it just really confuses me how people think it's appropriate to be such shitheads. Who the hell rates people a 1?

Anyway, if you feel like giving me a legitimate rating, please head on over to http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=N8NQR8B&key=WNX and rate me. Obviously, if you feel like rating me low, I can't stop you... but please at least have the balls to post a (non-anonymous) comment here and own up to having rated me low. I'd be interested to read a supporting argument for such a low rating.

Halloween recap

2006-11-05T14:13:00.000-06:00

This year I won no contests. My husband, however, won two on the same night.

Saturday night, we went to the game store (where I won the contest last year) and Michael won a $15 gift certificate for Most Creative Costume. He promptly spent the gift certificate on comic books and soda. Then we went to Mics Karaoke, where he won against all the guys, the most notable opponent being a guy dressed as a giant cockroach wearing a giant foam paperclip and holding a giant joint. You guessed it - a roach clip.

I was Little Red Riding Hood, and Michael was an angry robot. The angry robot costume was made from cardboard boxes covered in aluminum foil and duct tape, with dryer ducts as the arms and legs. Most importantly, there was a plastic tube that ran from the head down through the arm, so Michael could drink beverages. It was very hot inside the costume, which might be why the robot is so angry.

Michael has saved his costume and intends to wear it if there is ever a political protest in the area. He doesn't care what the protest is for. He plans to go and carry a sign that says something like "Death to Humans" in binary.

Then on Sunday, we were invited to a private birthday party at Mics Karaoke again. Since we were to see a lot of the same people, we wanted to do something different. It took a lot of convincing, but I got Michael to switch costumes with me. Michael lost his karaoke cherry singing We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel (which he did extremely well, I might add) and I sang Let Me Go by Cake while in costume, and got a lot of applause, especially when I danced around. People like watching other people frolick around in uncomfortable costumes. It's just a fact of life.

On Tuesday, I brought Michael, some coworkers, and some friends to Mics for another night of karaoke and contests. Michael and I decided that the robot and Red were a little played out, so we devised another pair of costumes. We dressed as Carla Espinosa and The Todd from the TV show Scrubs.

Michael made us some badges, and I drew The Todd's tattoo onto Michael's arm, and we were set. A photographer from OmahaNightLife.com snapped a picture of us, and it came out pretty well, though I say it myself. There was no costume contest that night and I didn't win the singing contest (Becca won it and totally deserved to) but I had a very good time. Some of my coworkers noted that I was dragging ass a little the next day, but little do they know just how often I go out on a "school night" when they're not aware of it. It was actually my most productive day that week, come to think of it.

Remarkably accurate

2006-10-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

My score on The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test:

**************************************

the Asserter

you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT.

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me
Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight
being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Eight
overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Eights as Children Often
are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
figure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents
are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper
SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

**************************************

Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6711512663497470889r

Goddamnit.

2006-09-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

Some glitch occurred and truncated the template for my blog. It's still functional, but there are parts missing and tags are unclosed. I want to fix it, but I don't know what I am doing... so I am probably going to have to start fresh. Luckily this is only the template, and the actual posts are kept elsewhere, or I'd be sad. This is merely an inconvenience, not a huge loss. I'll take care of it later, when I'm taking a break from ebaying all the stuff in my home to pay bills.

haiku

2006-09-21T09:57:00.000-05:00

visualizing
worry without direction
is the panic back?

Five years later

2006-09-11T19:12:00.000-05:00

Today, a coworker asked our team where we were this day, five years ago. I responded with this:

My mom’s office was in the WTC and she was in there. She got out and is, for the most part, okay. That day was one of the most harrowing I have ever experienced… and I wasn’t even there. So many people I know were supposed to be there that day and were spared by some twist of chance. Of all the people I knew in the 22 years of my life spent in NYC, only one died that day, and she was a vague high school acquaintance.

I’ve been back to NYC since 2001. I drove past the site with its gaping hole like a sore gum after a tooth extraction, and I still have trouble believing it. I vividly remember walking through the atrium, going to the shops, riding the elevator as a child to one of the offices on the upper floors where my father held me steady as I stood on a railing- my forehead pressed against the glass, looking down at the city below. It’s sad that my wistfulness is about the place and not the people… but it was an icon of my existence in NYC. It was just concrete and steel, but concrete and steel is supposed to be permanent! It’s as easy to believe that Mt. Everest is no longer around as it is to wrap my mind around the fact that the World Trade Center is gone.

If you want to see a real tear-jerker, go see the Oliver Stone movie that just came out. I cried like a hysterical child.

Oh Dear God

2006-09-01T18:08:00.000-05:00

Fucking Mac users.

Safire on fire

2006-08-26T21:28:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to relax. I've been trying to accept that the language is ever-changing. I've been trying to accept that the distinctions between "lay" and "lie", "further" and "farther", and "was" and "were" are being eroded. I'm trying...

...but goddamnit, I'm having a really hard time getting over the fact that everyone says "backslash" when they mean "slash", just because it makes it sound more internetty. It's. A. Fucking. Slash.

In Michael's office, slashes are "strokes" and backslashes are "whacks". They are so juvenile.

...heh. Whacks.

What I have learned

2006-08-23T23:23:00.000-05:00

I learned a few things in my first css lesson with Erica today:

I learned how to add rules for classes and IDs and stuff to a .css file.

I learned that the same content can look like any number of things when different css rules are applied, as demonstrated by the css Zen Garden.

I learned that everything I have ever done with HTML in the past has been clumsy, clunky, ugly, and furthermore, impolite.

I learned that this project is going to be a growth experience for me, if you'll pardon the pun.

I learned something at work today:

I was nowhere near aware of just how many of my coworkers got to rubberneck at my car accident on Monday. *sigh* (I took some pics in case you'd like to rubberneck, too.)

The bad with the good

2006-08-22T22:33:00.001-05:00

First the bad:

I am apparently an old fart when it comes to webdesign. I thought that if Erica and I talked through my design concept and she made the first page as a template, that I would be able to pick it up by extrapolating... but I was wrong.

I got bitten by mosquitoes at the site of my car accident yesterday. My left arm is a mass of itchy welts that I can't stop scratching and aggravating worse.

And now the good:

The start page that Erica and I did manage to come up with kicks several kinds of ass. I'm very pleased with the aesthetics of it, and once Erica teaches me some stuff tomorrow, I hope I can wrap my head around it better.

My Think Geek t-shirts arrived. They had a grab-bag deal to get rid of discontinued shirts and overstock. You specify your size and they send you whatever. I lucked out and got 4 kickass shirts that fit my personality, and one shirt that fits the personalities of several people I know. So for $24 I received 4 shirts for me and one for Michael.

So, I'm trying not to be mopey. I'm taking the bad with the good. I have to go into work tomorrow, come hell or high water. Then I go over to Erica's and learn some CSS. I hope that my balance improves, and I start feeling better. I'll try to keep you posted.

Sickie and Dizzy and Crunchy.

2006-08-22T06:54:00.000-05:00

I've been sick for the last 8 days.

Last Monday, I was at work and I started feeling incredibly dizzy. More dizzy than I have ever felt before, dizzy. I discovered this by leaning down to the right to get something out of my desk drawer, and very nearly falling into it. I sat back up and almost pitched over the other way. I tried to sit up and the world would not stop spinning. I tried to relax and wait it out, but it kept going on. After 20 minutes or so, I started panicking.

I emailed my husband about it and called the doctor, and Michael told me in no uncertain terms that he was on his way to pick me up to take me to the ER. Since I had just recently gotten a big bill from my last ER visit which wasn't all attributable to deductible, I was reluctant to go to the ER. I managed to get my doctor to squeeze me in on short notice, so we went to his office.

My doctor said it was most likely an inner ear virus, and he gave me a shot in my butt of Vistoril (an anti-nausea drug), and prescribed Antivert, which is an antihistamene that is frequently used in the treatment of vertigo, and makes me pretty zombiriffic. I timidly asked if this could have been a flashback due to me burning LSD-laden fat cells from when I experimented with that in my adolescence, and he told me that there was extremely little chance of that after all this time. All this time. So, now I am dizzy and old.

Michael took me home, where I immediately fell into a blissful Vistoril-induced slumber. He went out to fill my prescription while I slept, and was very sweet to me.

Over the course of the intervening week, I thought I had this kicked. I took the zombifying Antivert in the mornings right before getting in my car so it wouldn't kick in until after I'd driven to work, and then after lunch so it would wear off before my drive home. I used a lot of caffeine, and on Tuesday and Wednesday a leftover appetite suppressant (from before my surgery), to counteract the Antivert driftiness and concentrate on work.

Yesterday, I began feeling what I assume was an accumulation of the Antivert and appetite suppressants(which I hadn't taken in 5 days). I had jitters and twitches. I experienced dislexia, which really-really fucked my shit right up, because letters and words are my thing. I took it easy on the caffeine, but that just contributed to my feelings of disorientation. I sucked it up and worked through it, determined to not leave work early again.

I made it through the day, and even felt "better" enough to drive home. Man, I wish I had not done that. I crunched my front right quarter panel all to hell and gone, against my coworker's bumper. She was stopped at a stop sign, creeping forward to turn right. I thought she had gone because I registered her movement and construed it as completion of her turn. I checked the traffic, waited until it was clear, accelerated into my own right turn, and heard a weird plasticky grinding crunch. The plastic grinding was my Chevy Aveo's bumper (which held up without breaking, thankfully) and the crunch was the industrial heavy-weight aluminum foil that my car is made out of. Lori's Jeep laughed at my car's pitiful attempt to dent it, and probably thinks that the little paint scrape that its bumper received will make it look more ruggedly handsome to other cars. We did the whole police report deal and the officer estimated for the report that Lori's damage would be around $400, and mine would be over $1000. *sigh* Lori was very cool about it, saying, "That's what insurance is for. Accidents happen," but I feel sick about the whole thing.

When I came home, I tried to muster up the enthusiasm that I was earlier feeling for working on my new personal website. I had been calming myself down throughout the day by doing freehand sketches of a layout that I want to do for it, and I was looking forward to coming home and trying to relearn how to make a webpage. Erica sent me a URL for a set of CSS templates to look at to try and figure out the stuff that has been invented in web design since I stopped dabbling in it. Between the fact that I am getting old (get off my lawn, you whipper-snappers!) and the fact that I am rattled from the accident, and the fact that I am still feeling dizzy and disoriented from this illness and its treatment, I can't understand shit, for shit.

So, yesterday was a really humbling day. Today, I called in sick. I don't know if it would have been a Charles Grodin Day, but I am not taking any chances.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2006-08-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

I'm back to one partner, for the time being. Erica and I long ago decided that we were Just Friends. Sam and I just tonight had a Talk. We both agreed that we love and value each other, and we intend to continue hanging out as friends. I think we can do it. My friend James reacted by saying, "Oh no! The poly dream!" So, I apologize to any of you poly folks who were hanging your hopes on my polyfamily working out. I still think it's working since we're all still friends, but I'm pretty sure we won't be consolidating households. Ah well... NRE (New Relationship Energy) makes you fantasize bigly*.

On a good note, Erica has made my placeholder page for my new domain, AdhesiveThoughts.com. It currently links to my auctions, but will one day (very soon, I hope) be a full-fledged shopping-cart-oriffic extravanganza of commerce.

*Bigly is a word. I decided. It sounds too funny not to use.

ZOMGADDICTIVE

2006-08-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

Stuff I hate...

2006-07-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

Stuff I hate at this moment:

regression to nail biting
being at work
split ends
the word "guesstimate"
people who use the word "guesstimate"

Milestones

2006-07-16T16:48:00.000-05:00

I used to try diet methods, succeed briefly, then fail and gain back more weight than I lost. This is fairly common among overweight people. Every time this happened, I would be worse off than before. After a while, I stopped because I was sick of making the situation worse. I decided that, if I ever hit a certain point, I would have to do something drastic. The somewhat arbitrary point that I chose was if my size ever exceeded the range offerred at Lane Bryant. I considered the necessity of special-ordering clothing to be an indication that my weight-gain was seriously out of hand.

So it was, a couple of years later, as I was squeezing my ass into my size 28 jeans and struggling with the button, that I thought of a friend of mine who'd had great success with gastric bypass. Then I did some research, and several months later found myself having weight loss surgery.

So here I am, just shy of a year post-op. My shirt size is now 14/16 - the smallest size that Lane Bryant offers, not the largest. My pants size is now 18. I have lost what amounts to an entire person. I have an appointment on the 20th with the surgeon to do the one year followup stuff, and figure out what's next. I'm pleased about my progress, and looking toward the horizon for more things about which to be pleased. Life could be much, much worse.

Hibernol

2006-06-29T23:50:00.000-05:00

I never did get to that second appointment. I took that cough medicine with codeine and hibernated. I was dimly aware of my husband trying to wake me up for the appointment, and then finally giving up and asking me if I wanted him to cancel it for me, and then doing so. Then I went to bed and it was a sequence of disjointed events... wake up, go to the bathroom, take another dose, come back to bed, repeat. I called in sick today. I have to make up some of the time from this week or I won't have enough PTO for my trip to Florida in late July.

I really hate being sick.

Two thirds, bitches!

2006-06-28T13:34:00.000-05:00

Awww yeah! I am two thirds of the way to my goal weight. I've adjusted the goal weight upward by three pounds to match the upper end of the range for the lowest mortality rates for my height and frame. If I lose more, awesome. If not, the goal represents a significant milestone in better health for me.

I'm going solely by the readings from my own bathroom scale, since I can weigh myself at the same time of day in the same place. Readings from scales at my doctors' offices are always wonky because they are calibrated differently and the readings happen at different times of day. I have gone to an appointment with one doc in the morning and another doc the same day in the afternoon and had weights that differed by 8 pounds.

I'm still sick. I went to the doc and got a prescription for some knock-me-on-my-ass cough stuff with codeine (yum!), which I will take when I get back from the appointment I made with my psychiatrist to discuss changing my meds again.

Correction: I am going to take it now, because my wonderful husband has arranged to come get me and drive me to my appointment. Whee. Oblivion, here I come!

It's phlegm! Hooray, phlegm!

2006-06-27T10:09:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, we went to Shakespeare on the Green to see Taming of the Shrew. The two-minute pre-show improv thinger had just begun when the skies opened up and the rain poured out. Lightning was evident, and the show stopped immediately so the tech people could get out of the metal towers.

Nate, Michael, Sam, Erica, and I clamored around, gathering up the chairs, blankets, picnic gear, etc. Nate was pulling a little red wagon filled with most of our belongings, and I offered to go with him in case things fell out, so he could make better time. I was unaware that he had parked over a mile away. I got soaking wet, and I think that this is the point where I became susceptible to the bug I seem to have right now.

My throat is made of sandpaper, and my sinuses feel like they are stuffed with cotton. Every now and then I snerzle and produce a nasty bloody clump of evil from deep within my nasal passages. Yeah, I know - far from pleasant to read - try living it.

I started feeling like this yesterday morning and ended up leaving work around this time to go home. I slept most of the day, and then slept again at night. I'm hoping that throwing enough sleep and fluids at this thing will make it go away more quickly.

My supervisor is really cool. We chatted via email about my frequent illnesses, and he said that he doesn't need additional physician documentation, as long as I make up all the time. Can't go destroying goodwill like that, so Friday will be spent at work, making up all of the time.

Bottling up the crazy

2006-06-25T00:11:00.000-05:00

So we've been messing with my meds, my doctor and I. Seems that the combination I was taking was doing wonders for my depression and anxiety, but was fucking with my sex drive and ability to orgasm. Anyone who has been keeping up with my blog knows that decreased sex drive and anorgasmia are seriously sucky things for me.

I am taking Wellbutrin XL for depression and Lexapro to kick up the anti-anxiety effects. Wellbutrin actually has anti-anxiety effects built in, but they weren't working well enough for me. The doctor decided that Lexapro is probably the culprit of the sexual side effects, and is of the belief that upping the Wellbutrin should do the trick. So, he has me taking half as much Lexapro as I had been previously, and one and a half times the Wellbutrin. He thinks maybe the reduced bowel transit time as a result of the surgery is causing less of the Wellbutrin to be absorbed, so hopefully of the horrendously high amount of Wellbutrin he has prescribed for me to take, some of it will stick. He has hopes that the Lexapro can be cut out entirely, eventually.

Well, the good news is that the sexual side effects are reduced. Not entirely gone, but reduced. The bad news is that the crazy is making a comeback. This is seriously not cool. I am testy and panicky and weepy and simply not entirely sane.

So, the question is - do I want to be functional in reality and dysfunctional sexually, or fucked in the head and awesome in bed? I was seriously hoping I wouldn't have to decide between the two, but as my doctor and I try and discard each of his ideas, I start to realize that the choice may have to be made.

I'm still thinking.

The coolness of Erica, some more

2006-06-19T18:48:00.000-05:00

Erica made me a present. Once again, I am astounded by her awesomeness. Please click on the image if you too would like to be a delicate fucking flower.

Oh, and she also wrote a great post to All Write, Already.

Sleepy Pizza

2006-06-18T13:09:00.000-05:00

Recipe for decadence:

Sominex
Cold, leftover, but really yummy pizza
A very considerate spouse or significant other

Take 1 Sominex. Do whatever getting-ready-for-bed regimen you normally do for about 20 minutes. Get into bed with your spouse or significant other. Cuddle for a few moments and then decide to have sex. Have really awesome sex. Bask in the afterglow. Mention that you're really happy and sleepy but you are thinking about a slice of leftover pizza. Accept spouse's offer to bring you a slice of pizza in bed. Without sitting up, eat the slice of pizza, making happy noises, and then fall asleep.

Weight loss update

2006-06-17T01:02:00.000-05:00

I've made two changes to the weight loss ticker at the top of this page. First, I decided to count the 10 lbs I lost prior to the surgery, since it actually was part of the weight loss endeavor (a tougher part than much of the rest, even). Second, I lowered my goal weight by a few pounds. Now the amount to be lost is not that nice round 150lbs that it was before, but it's also a more accurate reflection of where I want to be when all is said and done.

Michael and I had made a deal to start doing crunches last week, but then I got pleurisy, and I'm supposed to avoid anything that can strain my lungs, including lifting and any other exertion. Crunches are right out. When I can sneeze without crying out in pain, I'll start exercising again. I'm really gung-ho to start with the crunches, because I'm seeing the effects of the weight loss, and the smaller size of jeans make my ass look awesome. However, they make my love handles and tummy flab more noticeable, so that stuff has to go.

Also, I've had some unexplained lower back pain lately, and crunches will help prevent reinjury to my back. It's something I should have been doing all along as long-term physical therapy.

In other news, I found an old t-shirt of mine that fits(pictured above) which brought back a wave of nostalgia. I also bought a few wigs. I'm having fun with life, and pleurisy and digestive issues notwithstanding, I am very happy to be living it.

Guilty pleasure

2006-06-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

This is embarassing, folks... but I really like pork rinds.

omgcute!

2006-06-14T09:55:00.000-05:00

There are some ohmygodcutebabygeese at work, now. Baby geese are so soft looking, I want to cuddle one. But then it would poop all over me and the adult geese would bite my fingers off.

There's someone at work who was charged by a goose while walking on the path. He got a pretty funny photo of the angry goose with his cell phone. This was well before the babies were hatched, so that can't be chalked up to protectiveness - that's just typical mean-spirited goosiness.

I broke a thumbnail this morning. It split, but luckily not at the quick. I had to file it all the way down, but it didn't hurt. I gather from other people's stories that I got away lucky.

I was diagnosed with pleurisy on Monday. Every time I sneeze or cough, I get a stabbing pain in my chest. I would not recommend pleurisy to anyone shopping for a disorder.

Nailed

2006-06-13T14:26:00.000-05:00

There is a chick at work clipping her toenails. I kid you not. That is so not okay.

Speaking of nails, it's been over a month since I last bit my fingernails. I'm so proud of me. I still don't quite know how not to scratch myself up accidentally all the time, or how not to chip my nail polish by reaching for stuff. I suppose that kind of thing will come in time. I'll be dainty yet, damnit.

Welcome to the Matrix

2006-06-06T18:37:00.000-05:00

Some of you may have read my recent blog posts, or seen my pics on Flickr.com, and wondered just who the hell Erica and Sam are. Well, it's about time I posted about them, because they are extremely important to me.

First, some background. You may not know this, but Michael and I are polyamorous. That link goes to a resource with a wealth of information about the topic, but it's still the kind of term that means different things to different people, like "agnosticism", or "awesome", or "eight inches". When Michael and I met, we agreed that poly basically meant that we would not be monogamous, but would count one another as "primary" and would do nothing and no one without making certain that it would not adversely affect one another. As time goes on, our definition of poly evolves and changes, but so far at the same rate in the same direction, so it's all good. Michael and I both came into the relationship identifying as poly, which (in addition to myriad other things) clinched the deal on selling us on one another. For most of our relationship, with a few minor dalliances, our polyamory has been largely theoretical. Recently, this has changed.

Enter Sam and Erica Tesla. Our relationship with them is still relatively new, but hell - humans' relationship with the planet Earth is still relatively new. In any event, we're rapidly becoming a polyfamily with group marriage as the eventual result, if all goes as it has been. We already have a name for our hypothetical commune - Doublemeat Palace.

Between our two households, we have six cats. This is especially daunting to me and Sam, as he and I are the catbox cleaners for our respective homes.

As if four adults and six cats were not enough, we will have to make room for Erica's other boyfriend, Will. I know very little about Will, but he will be coming to Omaha in July, and I will get to meet him then.

Our relationship matrix has already had some awesome benefits. For one thing, we're having a lot of fun. More people = more stuff going on at any given time. I have hardly had a moment to take a deep breath in the last few weeks, let alone to blog. Sure, that can be considered a negative impact, too... but how exciting would my blog be if I had no life about which to post?

Another benefit is the increased confidence we're all experiencing. It's one thing to be told by your significant other that you're beautiful. When your three significant others all agree that you're stunning, how can you argue? This has helped me get back on track with my weight loss (as has the additional... um... exercise.)

Michael's confidence has also improved greatly. For this I am definitely thankful. The thing that frustrates me most about my husband is his self-deprecation. Seeing the reduction of that is certainly something to celebrate.

There have already been many "I love you"s tossed about, and we already mean them. Michael and I were certain we were in love with one another on our first date, and we were only slightly less quick to be certain with Sam and Erica. We are constantly discussing our thoughts, feelings, motivations, and concerns, and all of the communication stuff that every relationship (poly or monogamous) should have discussions about. When done properly, poly relationships are healthier simply because of all of this communication. Of course, if done improperly, we'll end up Jerry Springerfodder.

Truly though, I feel really confident about the probability of this succeeding. All of us are really self-aware, and committed to making this work. Still, we are approaching the possible consolidation with all due caution, and it will probably not be for a couple of years that it occurs. We want to make sure we have a good amount of proven success at making our lives together work before we explain the whole concept to Michael's parents.

Anyway, the bottom line here is that I am really-really happy. That's what you all really-really want for me, right?

Anonymity

2006-05-31T10:25:00.000-05:00

The internet is full of opinionated people. I love that about the internet. What I do not love is people who hide within an anonymous persona in order to dodge judgement for expressing their opinions. Seriously, people - grow a pair. If you have an opinion, own it.

Anonymous commenting has been disabled on this blog.

How very cool Erica is

2006-05-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

Erica is a goddess. Not only is she all math-savvy and science-smart, but she's also artistic. She took this self portrait that I snapped:

and turned it into this:

Isn't that kickass?

Then she made me up and took these pics:

I want to be Erica when I grow up. It only sucks that I'm older than she is. :(

Eventually Salad

2006-05-15T13:57:00.000-05:00

Lots of stuff has been going on. I've been doing karaoke, losing more weight, buying sexy clothes, meeting new and wonderful people, discovering that my digestive issues of the last 9 months could have been treated with the correct $1800 antibiotic if we had diagnosed the C-diph back then, being very happy that we can still correct it now, being even happier that I have health insurance, cuddling with kittens, cuddling with new and wonderful people, cuddling with the kittens of new and wonderful people... and so forth.

I lost the friendship of someone who once meant a lot to me. Jack, Michael and I were at my new karaoke haven, and Jack was getting more drunk than I had ever seen him. He decided that he felt like fighting, and since there was no brawl in evidence, he would create one. He threatened the owner of the bar, and smashed a glass down on the bar. Michael instantly sobered up and became all butch and escorted Jack out, though Jack opened the glass doors with Michael's head for his troubles. Reece (the bar owner), getting bad intel from someone else, went after Jack because he thought that Jack injured his wife on the way out. Itty bitty Reece needed two guys to hold him back, and Michael held back the 7 foot behemoth who started it all. Much confusion ensued, in which my shoe was broken, Reece's shirt was ripped, and my toe was mashed (though thankfully not broken.)

In any event, that was over a week ago. I tried to talk to Jack when he was sober the next day, and he brushed me off. So, fuck him. I mourn the loss of a close friend.

In the interim, the friendship Michael and I have with Erica and Sam has been growing and blooming into many-hued awesomeness. Erica did this kickass portrait of me:

Their friendship would have been more than fantastic at any point, but it's especially seredipitous in light of the recent demise of my friendship with Jack. I'm a seriously lucky person, and it makes my day brighter thinking about it.

In weight loss news, I've actually lost over 100 lbs. since the initial weight I had to lose before the surgery. I fit into the same size jeans and shirts that I was wearing in high school. If my arms were more toned, my boobs a bit perkier, and I had a bit less gut, I would actually be smaller than I was 13 years ago. It's a great feeling. I'm so jazzed about the way things are going. My body image is rapidly becoming more positive. I have been wearing sexier clothing, wearing makeup, and have stopped biting my nails. I almost feel like... like a girl!

Halloween pic

2006-03-12T22:16:00.000-06:00

I finally got the pic of my halloween costume from my friend who took it. There was a costume contest held at the comic store where I sometimes go to game, and I won.

Ferret Missionaries

2006-03-10T13:03:00.000-06:00

The world would be a better place if there were a group of people who went door to door with ferrets, and let strangers play with them for a few minutes. Everyone would be much happier.

There could be kitten missionaries, too.

But no one would wear gay tangerine-colored robes.

Totally spastic

2006-02-08T22:03:00.000-06:00

I saw the most spastic thing ever today at the Shell gas station. It was a sign that gave tips for improving your car's gas mileage. It suggested avoiding speeding, accelerating, and braking.

In some sense, zero miles per zero gallons would be an improvement, wouldn't it? I think I broke my brain.

Hint hint hint

2005-11-22T15:44:00.000-06:00

My birthday is coming up on Sunday. I'm going to be 31.

You know, 30 wasn't so bad, but thirty-ONE feels so much older. 30 was just the cap of a decade, but 31 launches into a whole new decade. *sigh*

For those who wish to make this time more bearable for me:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/3PRG92JFG3BWV

Catching up

2005-11-16T07:35:00.000-06:00

Weight Loss: Still losing weight - quickly for most people, but slowly for a person who's had weight loss surgery. Still, I'm well on my way to my goal and do not doubt that I'll reach it. I really wish that the side effects would simmer down. I have digestive issues all the time, and it's very unpleasant.

Work: I am done with temping. I am in week 3 of training at my new job, as a protection services agent at PayPal. I love it. The company was rated in the top 5 of places to work in Omaha, and they certainly deserve it. The benefits are stellar, the facility is cool, and the work is interesting. I've made friends with a bunch of the people in my training class, who will be in my department. I'm very excited about this job.

Marriage: Michael and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. We're still happily in love. Our arguments are fewer, farther between, and less dramatic. We've settled into a comfortable routine, but it doesn't feel like a rut.

Cats: Eris is still mad about the addition of Xander to the family. Willow is still neutral, but we've caught her cuddling with Xander a few times. Xander continues to be cute as all get out. All three of them are ecstatic about the beginning of fireplace season. Willow told me that fires are an awesome idea and that if she had thumbs, she'd start them herself.

Other domestic stuff: My sister is considering moving to Omaha to look for work in her field. She would be living with me and Michael at least in the beginning, to reduce costs to pay off her student loan. My husband and I are very hopeful that she will decide to move in with us because she's awesome and fun and we love her.

World of Warcraft: Moxxi has reached level 60! I will be getting attuned for Molten Core shortly. Paladins kick ass.

I miss...

2005-10-04T16:24:00.000-05:00

...hackey sack
...Mickey Mouse ears
...sno-balls
...chewing 5 pieces of gum at once and almost choking on sugary saliva
...Poochie (for girls!)
...Watching Laura Ingalls try to get Manly to give her the time of day
...trying to find Lookie, who was hidden in the scenery on She-Ra
...peanut-butter and honey on whole wheat
...red-dyed pistachio nuts

Social

2005-10-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

Saturday was unreal.

I got a call from Bret, inviting me to come hang out at his place cause some people were over to watch a football game and eat some chili. I dislike football, and chili is something that I was not sure my system would be able to handle yet, and I hate most people... but I agreed to go over because I am nothing if not social.

I arrived at Bret's house an hour or so later, and hung out with some people with whom I used to work. We talked over old times and traded new gossip about old coworkers, and I had some mild chili - which did not affect me adversely at all. Bret gave us all button-down denim shirts that his neighbor gave him from the Nebraska lottery. Hey, free shirt. They told me that later they were planning on going over to some party at a friend's apartment. The guy works at Paypal, where I have applied for employment. I insinuated myself into the invitation, because I am nothing if not social.

We stopped to get some beer to bring with us. Because I despise Bud, and because the rest of the selection was asstastic, I bought myself a Heineken. We brought our beers with us to Allen's apartment, where I eschewed the jungle juice (too much sugar for my delicate system to handle) and drank my beer. We watched The Stewie Griffin Story and joked and chatted, and watched these two drunk blonde girls who were both named Stephanie repeatedly almost knock over a voluminous cup of jungle juice. These people were not people I would normally hang out with, but I was having fun, because I am nothing if not social.

Allen's girlfriend Leigh got home. She made a bee-line for the spot next to me on one of the sofas. Within moments, I was her new best friend. I was immediately regaled with stories about all her likes and dislikes and her jobs and her service in the air force. Then she asked me if I would go on a run to the gas station with her to buy Jaegermeister. What the hell, I'm nothing if not social.

When we reached the gas station, I looked around for something on which to nosh. I tried to walk past this group of three men, who didn't want to get out of my way. I said, "Excuse me, please" and the guy who was in my way flirtingly said "Where are you trying to go?" I managed to get past them, and I glanced back to find out what they were doing. They were looking at my ass. I haven't been checked out in a long while, but even though I was surprised that I was being checked out, I was not especially flattered. I'm social, but not that social.

We got back to the party, and Leigh tried to ply me with Jaeger shots. I agreed to one, and somehow found myself doing two. I drew the line there, because I did not want to puke up all my beer. There were a couple of new attendees at the party. One of them, a very sweet black man who had brought some pills for Leigh to take to pass a piss test for the job that she's applying for (rolling eyes), sat down next to me and chatted about my beer choice. He told me that he likes Heineken, too. I told him that it was the lesser of the evils from the choices available at the gas station, and that normally I like darker stuff. A hush fell while we all realized how that sounded, and then we all laughed. The guy winked at me and I elbowed him playfully. I'm nothing if not - well, this gimmick is getting old and there is a lot more story, so I am going to cut it out.

Leigh came back into the room and demanded that the guy move so she could sit next to me. Then she climbed on me and straddled my lap and showed me her pierced nipples. I was a little stunned, and a little turned on. She is very cute and definitely my type. Then I noticed that Allen was looking very much not pleased, and so I tried to refrain from encouraging her. Allen sat down a little way away from me, on the other side of where Leigh was sitting (during the times that she was not writhing on my lap). She pulled down her jeans and shook her lacy-pantied ass at me and Allan. She danced around a little. I chatted with other people for a while, and Leigh focused more on getting my attention. Because some level of attention was clearly what she wanted, and because I was starting to feel the shots, I drew my hand back to give her a little swat on the butt, and Allen leaned over and said, "Don't even think about it. I'll punch you in the face and break your fucking glasses in half."

I lowered my hand and stared at him. I tasted several responses in my mouth. I looked around to see if anyone had heard what he had said. No one had. I finally decided on saying, "I'm not after your girlfriend. I was just flirting because it's a party. If anything made you uncomfortable, you could have just told me. There is no need to threaten me physically." He then responded, "That's how I'm telling you."

Now, the pre-medicated me, and the me who was not waiting to hear back about a job in the same workplace as this Allen person, would have probably gotten into a fistfight at this point. However, the me that I am today (and was on Saturday) decided that diplomacy was a better course of action. I offerred my hand to shake and said, "Let's just shake hands and kill this tension. There's no need for a fight here." He grudgingly shook my hand, but I could tell that he was not backing down an inch. I was still peeved about having been threatened, and I noticed that my friends looked like they were starting to say their goodbyes (great timing!) I called Leigh over to talk to her privately in the hallway, and she insisted that I go into the bathroom with her. God, I hate being in a bathroom while another woman is peeing.

I told Leigh about what Allen had said, and how I was planning on leaving. She said, "Oh, don't mind what he said, he's just worried because he's never had another woman living with him and he's worried about losing me because I am actively bisexual and he knows that I want to eat pussy while he's fucking me, but that I won't let him touch another woman if we have a threesome." I started to phrase a reply to that about how it's ridiculous to set a restriction like that if they've invited someone to share intimacy with them, but then I realized that I wanted to extricate myself from these crazy-ass people as soon as possible. As I left, I shook Allen's hand again and thanked him for his hospitality, and refrained from telling him that if he had an issue with his girlfriend's flirtation that he should take it up with her. He walked me out and closed the door behind me a little too loudly and I heard the lock click. Whatever.

I walked up the stairs, where Bret was lying sprawled where he had fallen. I had never seen Bret that drunk before, and I have seen Bret drink a lot. I took his arm despite his protests that he was fine, and convinced him to let me hold his arm by telling him that I needed him to help me walk because I had been drinking, too. I then prevented him from falling 4 more times in the 30-yard walk to Charity's car.

On the way back to Bret's house where my car was parked, I told them all the story of what had occurred. Joe told me that if he'd heard Allen threaten me, he would have hit him. I thanked him for the sentiment and expressed relief that he had not heard. I told them that I had not been the center of so much attention in a long time, and that it was kind of surprising to me. Joe told me that I had an allure because of my confidence. I shrugged and said that I didn't really realize I was that confident. Then Bret chimed in.

Oh, dear Bret. I love him dearly, but his tact is lacking even when he's NOT drunk. Sweet little Bret slurred, "Jess, I'm going to be blunt. You're not model material. You know that. You're not model quality because of your thighs and your waist, and... well, I'll be blunt, you're not model quality..." and then I said "Is there a point, Bret?" and he said "You're not model quality, but you... and Michael loves... and" and he trailed off. I know he meant well, but dear God! I hugged him and kissed the top of his bald little head and said, "Thank you Bret, but please shut up."

When we got back to his place, I walked him inside against more protests, and kept him from falling another few times. I hugged him and Joe and Charity, and then got into my car and went home. So remind me again why I'm social? Oh yeah - for blogfodder.

Updatification

2005-09-11T04:20:00.000-05:00

Because it's been so very long since my last update, I'll make a very long post.

Kitten update:

Xander is getting huge. He's at least 3 times the size he was when I got him. His paws are enormous, which indicates that he will be a large cat. He's still my tiny little baby, though. He occasionally comes running up to me, mewling insistantly, begging for cuddles. Then he curls up on me and purrs loudly and happily, and knows that he's safe because he's with Mommy.

Here's a pic of him curled up on the back of the sofa:

And here's a picture of a rare moment of peace between him and Eris:

Eris has been less bitchy toward him. Whereas before she would growl at him whenever she saw him (even across a room), now she actually tolerates his presence as long as he does not try to groom her, or touch her, or look at her, or breathe the air she's trying to breathe.

He and Willow are getting along pretty well. He's finally starting to learn that she likes it when he grooms her, as long as he doesn't get carried away and start nibbling. Of course, he eventually does get carried away every time, and then the beautiful moment deteriorates into yowling and chasing and thumping.

Post-op update:

The incisions have knit completely, leaving dark brown scars (because I am an awful, horrible person who cannot keep from picking at healing wounds) that look kind of interesting.

I've gone to three water aerobics classes. I missed two because I had a raging case of the squits both times. That's been happening frequently. I get all crampy and unhappy and being in a pool is the last thing I want to do. The last time I missed a class, I rode out the stomach cramps and then went to the exercise room in my apartment complex and did 25 minutes on the recumbent bicycle. I know it's not much, but it was something.

My rate of weight loss has slowed a lot, but it's still happening. Also, more and more of my old clothes fit. I tried on an old corset of mine today and it looked pretty good.

I have decided that fat-free cheese is the work of the devil, and I won't put up with it any more. I eat regular cheese now, but much less of it. My digestive system has trained me to determine what too much fat is. If I eat something that's beyond my body's ability to handle, I regret it in a very short while. Thus, my fat intake has decreased drastically because I am scared of the wrath of my bowels. However, I think that I am also becoming lactose intolerant, which definitely sucks.

I have an appointment with my surgeon for a 6 week followup on Thursday. Another week or so after that I will be allowed to eat beef. I am very much looking forward to that.

Work update:

The place where I temped as a proofreader has a permanent spot open, but they don't want to pay the temp agency to buy out my contract. They're trying to fill the position on their own. If they have not found someone this week, they may go ahead and hire me anyway. I really hope so, because I enjoyed working there quite a bit. In the meanwhile, I will be spending the next few days answering phones at a landscaping company. Whee.

Miscellaneous update:

My sister is coming to visit me next weekend. I'm so excited. My in-laws will get to meet her, and she'll get to meet my new kitten, and we'll all hang out and make up anti-jokes.

The anti-joke is an collaborative invention from my sister and my husband. It's basically an anecdote with an anticlimactic ending. Some of the best anti-jokes start out with the beginning of a well-known joke, but end differently. For instance, here is one of my favorites that my sister made up:

This guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this!" So the doctor prescribed him some pain medication and recommended a course of physical therapy.

I'm not nearly as good as they are at making them up. They have a very similar sense of humor about stuff like that, and their creativity is sparked by it. The best one I can come up with is:

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: In case it rains.

Of course, the actual joke answer is "Fo' drizzle."

Sorry about the delay

2005-08-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

I'm really sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but here's what's been going on in my life to keep me from posting:

nothing.

I've just been sleeping a lot, getting sick of cream soups, and cuddling with my kitten.

Speaking of my kitten, here's a pic:

His name is Xander, as I've told you, but we've started calling him "puppy" because he exhibits puppyish behavior, like licking faces, romping hard, and rolling over too expose his very cute belly a lot.

As far as my progress goes, I've been cleared to return to work and am just waiting for my temp agency to straighten it out with the place where I was working before. I need to work because finances were hit a lot harder by recent events than I had foreseen.

I've also been gradually adding soft solids to my diet, and today received confirmation from my nurse that it's okay as long as I don't overdo it. Today I made some hummus, and it was heavenly.

Anyway, I've got a lot more nothing to get to, so I'll be going now.

Recipe for success?

2005-08-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a little better each day. I still get tired very easily (you have no idea how much energy showering consumes until you have very little energy), but I'm doing regular activites without help and without spotters. I've even been able to go back to sleeping on my tummy, which is the most comfortable position for me.

I've not gotten even close to the 60 grams a day protein goal, but I'm inching closer every day. Dr Sudan said not to push too hard, just to do the best I can. So far I have come up with a way to get 27.5 grams of protein fairly painlessly, in two servings:

2 pkgs of no sugar added choc carnation instant breakfast = 8g
1/3 cup nonfat dry milk = 8g
1 cup skim milk = 8g
1/3 cup nonfat plain yogurt = 3.5g
(optional) half a banana
2 ice cubes

Place all items in a good blender and blend for 30 seconds on the whip setting. Leave the second serving in the blender and refrigerate. When ready to have second serving, add another ice cube or two and whip for a few seconds.

My shoulder is feeling a lot better, probably due to the celebrex I'm taking every 12 hours. I am not doing my physical therapy as religiously as I should, but I stretch my shoulder muscles every time I think about it, and do a few reps of the exercises when I think about it several times a day. I'm lifting up to 10 lbs many times throughout the day, carrying, walking, etc... so I think the shoulder will be fine.

My thigh is still driving me crazy. Dr Sudan thinks that the nerve is being pinched in my back due to my positioning while I was recovering. It's not impeding my movement at all, just really annoying me. I'm trying to stretch everything out as much as possible, and to reposition whenever I feel numb, but the numbness and burning continue. Hopefully as I lose weight, whatever's pinching will stop. Otherwise I will visit an orthopedist.

Speaking of losing weight, I have lost 16 lbs since surgery. I'm very excited about the rate of weight loss, and hope that it continues. I go back on soft solid foods on August 22nd, so hopefully I will continue to lose weight even after that change.

I'm seriously looking forward to going back on solids. I want to chew. I will have to chew every mouthful 25 times to make it easier for my stomach to absorb the nutrients, and believe me - I will. I miss food texture that much.

Okay, here's the best news. I have a new kitten. Xander has joined the family. I decided that while I have the time at home to bond, this would be the best time to get my new little buddy. We're hoping that a boy cat won't have the whole Electra complex deal and will favor me over Michael, since Willow cuddles more with Michael than with me.

Xander currently lives alone in the spare bedroom. He's been sneezing his adorable little kitten sneezes, and I don't want Eris and Willow to catch Kennel Cough again, especially since Eris got so deathly ill last time. His quarantine will be up in a handfull of days, and then Eris can hiss at him face-to-face instead of through the door. He is the sweetest little boy ever. This morning, he was mewing until I came into his room, and then he cuddled hardcore for about 20 minutes.

Then, and this is really sad, I went to sit on the floor, and he got under me. I very briefly sat on him. I was horrified. He yowled so hard! It was just a split second, and then I lifted up and he got out from under me by himself. He sat just out of arm's reach and groomed himself for a minute. I tried to get him to come to me, but he just kept his distance. I threw a ball past him, but he just eyed it warily and went back to grooming. I was worried that he was hurt and that's why he was not moving, but the weird thing is that he never stopped purring the whole time.

I finally picked him up and checked him out, and he didn't wince at any touches. I set him down and he moved naturally. He got a drink of water and played with his toys, but he kept his distance from me. I was very sad, but I decided to let him rediscover me. He was wary for the next 20 minutes or so, but he started coming to me again to play. He was nowhere near as happy to see me as he was this morning, but he's back to the level of contact he had with me yesterday. I have hopes that we'll be best buddies again by later today.

I will be bringing him to the vet for his initial checkup at 3pm. I'll let the doctor know what happened today and let him check Xander out for that, too.

I'll be posting a picture of Xander soon. I need really good lighting because the camera in my phone sucks, so I may take one at the vet's office.

I'm home

2005-07-31T14:22:00.000-05:00

I got home at about 3pm Friday. I've just been too wiped to wrap my head around posting. Sorry for the delay.

Dr. Sudan and his team were able to do the whole thing laparoscopically (thank God), so I have 5 little incisions instead of a big one. They have staples on them that will probably be coming out during my visit tomorrow.

I'm on liquids only for the next few weeks, and am supposed to somehow manage to get 60 grams of protein and 64 oz of fluids (half of which should be plain water) throughout the day. It's just not possible. I'm still trying, though. My brain power is not all it could be due to lack of protein, I'm sure.

While I was in the hospital, I developed 2 new problems. My left thigh is alternately annoyingly numb and upsettingly on fire. I apparently compressed a nerve from my positioning either during surgery or after, or both. Also, I screwed up a ligament (or tendon, I can't remember) in my right rotator cuff from pulling myself up to get out of bed, bearing all my weight on my arms instead of my achy abdomen. Now that injury is exacerbated by the weight of my arm if it goes unsupported. I have physical therapy exercises that I'm doing, and I try to keep my arm supported on a pillow or over my head whenever possible.

This morning, one of my cats gingerly walked on me to be petted. It was gentle and didn't hurt, so I allowed it. Then she was startled by my husband's movement, and jumped off me like a springboard. It was very unpleasant.

My mom's in town for the next few days. We're headed out to visit with my mother in law. This should be interesting.

T minus five

2005-07-25T05:08:00.000-05:00

I leave in 5 minutes for the hospital. I spent 2/3 of yesterday suffering from the bowel prep, and I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks (at least) suffering from the result.

I'm alternately questioning and confident of my choice to do this, but I think I made the right decision...

...or did I?

My post to rec.arts.bodyart

2005-07-22T13:11:00.000-05:00

From: "Jess Bragg"
Newsgroups: rec.arts.bodyart
Subject: Here we go...
Date: Fri, 22 Jul 2005 11:10:59 -0700

You know that feeling you get when you're just about to be pierced or tattooed, when the artist is prepping the materials and you suddenly realize that this is going to really hurt? Well, maybe it's because the magnitude of this procedure is so much greater than that of a tattoo or piercing, but I'm feeling it already, 3 days before my surgery.

I'm suddenly realizing that I'm going to be in a great deal of pain for several days, and at least some pain for weeks afterward. I'm realizing that my life is going to change dramatically. I'm realizing that I can plan and plan and still I have no clue exactly how things are going to go.

Stuff like this also makes you think about the small percentage of people who die while under general anesthesia. It's a small percentage, but it's still a lot of people, when you think about it. Keith's death was another log on that particular fire.

Keith's death. I try not to be superstitious, but sometimes stuff crops up that makes you say "Woah." Today, I was proofing a page from a new catalogue, and all the prefixes for the prices on the page were "KA". It gave me some serious willies. I told my coworker about it and she said that maybe it meant that Keith would be looking out for me, but that didn't ring true. My immediate thought was that because of the fact that I have been associating Keith's death with thoughts of my own mortality, that it was an bad omen about my chances or survival. I know it's corny and dumb, but it's what initially occurred to me. Still, being the rational person I am, there's no way in hell I'm postponing this for a superstitious twinge.

Anyway, to bring it back to topic a bit, I'm going to have an interesting set of scars from this. If the surgeon finds it necessary to switch from laparoscopic to open for this procedure (which is likely because of the fact that stuff is probably all shifted around from my splenectomy) then I will have a new scar perpendicular to my old scar. I'll have a great big cross on my tummy. Hmmm, maybe when it's all
healed, I'll get it tattooed so it looks like ribbons on a package, with a big bow on my breast. Then I'll get my nipple repierced and hang a card from it. Tacky? Yeah, I guess so. Nevermind.

Well, if anyone wants to pray, chant, or send healing thoughts, I will be having my surgery on Monday 7/25 at approximately 7:45 AM Central Time(GMT -06:00), and I will probably be on the table for upwards of 6 hours. Such spiritual help is certainly appreciated. No atheists in a foxhole, ya know.

If you're interested in the details about the procedure I'm having, check out http://really-really.blogspot.com/2005/06/four-ounces.html

Jess

All systems go

2005-07-21T17:56:00.000-05:00

I saw the anesthesiologist and the surgeon today. I'm cleared for surgery despite my still somewhat swollen tonsils. The swelling has gone down enough that they are satisfied that it will not present a problem.

I've been all shaky and filled with nervous energy all day. This is actually going to happen. I am going to allow people to open me up and handle the delicate meat inside my skin. I'm going to let them cut parts of me up and remove some pieces. I'm doing this voluntarily. I must be insane.

The next few days are going to go very slowly.

I needed this

2005-07-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

A big thanks to my husband(who sent me this) and somethingawful.com(from whence he got it.)

Upside down

2005-07-18T14:48:00.000-05:00

Guess what! I'm getting sick again!

My tonsils never did get un-swollen from my last illness, and now a sinus infection is brewing. I spoke with one of my surgeon's nurses today, and she said that if it's not cleared up by the end of the week, they will cancel my surgery. I have an appointment with my primary care doc today after work to see if we can do anything about this ASAP.

If my surgery is cancelled, the world explodes. I already have my car payment deferral in the works based on my current surgery date, my mom already have plane tickets to come out and take care of me the first week in August, my workplace is all prepped to have a replacement for me starting next week, my autologous blood is already drawn, and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to cope with even more waiting and spazzing time. How am I supposed to heal when I am so stressed? What the hell am I going to do if my tonsils have to come out? That will mean a bunch of recovery time for that before I can have the gastric surgery.

The Powers That Be are looking at me and saying, "I don't think there's enough upheaval in her life. Let's fuck with it a bit more." Please knock it the hell off, TPTB! I'm full up!

I'm spazzing

2005-07-13T18:29:00.000-05:00

Someone I've known for the last 7ish years died on Monday. Keith Alexander died in a bicycling accident. He wasn't wearing a helmet. If he'd been wearing one, he would probably still be alive. I'm so pissed at him for robbing us of many more years of knowing him.

I only vaguely remember my first interaction with Keith. I came into #bodyart, I think - I'm pretty sure I met him on irc before I posted to rec.arts.bodyart... He hazed me, like the regulars would do to any newbie... and I must have said something quick and clever. I made him laugh, and won his approval. I never had any problems fitting in with the group after that. Such was the power of Keith Alexander's approval. #bodyart and rec.arts.bodyart regulars were some elitist pricks, myself included... but Keith liked me. I'm honored to have been one of the people Keith liked.

Keith Alexander was an amazing person. Someone said today that he would become the best at something and then tell it to fuck off and start at the bottom with something else. It's true. He really was the master of reinvention. From music, to piercing, to cycling, to whatever else he set his mind to... he always quickly became damned good at whatever he was doing. More about him can be read at http://www.nootrope.net/bio.html.

The bodyart community is still reeling from the news of his death. So many people knew him. I bet there will still be people for weeks or months who are only just finding out about it and feeling the way the rest of us are feeling today.

...and that brings me to the heart of why I'm spazzing. My surgery is coming up in 12 days. There are risks when you have general anesthesia. I could die, and how long would it take before the news made it to people I've known online for years? I know that far, far fewer people would care about the news of my death than care about the news of Keith's death... but I'm being forced to face my mortality and it's making me spaz out.

Another reason why I'm spazzing is that my husband found out that his employer will be sending him out of town the first week in August, which is the week after my surgery. That, plus financial issues that crop up out of nowhere, plus getting sick a week ago, plus a million other variables all bouncing around at once... I'm coming to realize just how little control I have over this whole surgery business. It's scary to find out that events are out of your hands. I'm not good at it. I fret. I spaz.

So I'm fretting and spazzing, and anxious to get this all over with. The worst part is that because my tonsils and lymph nodes are still swollen, I may not even be cleared for surgery when all is said and done, and they may make me reschedule. Wonderful... even more time for new variables to crop up, and to fret and spaz.

Rememberies

2005-07-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

We all remember:

Picture pages, picture pages,
time to get your picture pages,
time to get your crayons and your pencils!

But do you remember:

The story box, the story box,
there are no locks on the story box.

or

Hot fudge holy moly!
What's goin' on?

or

We wanna have you as a member of the Patchwork Family!
There' plenty to do as a member of the Patchwork Family!
We're looking for sisters, and brothers, and all sorts of others,
like nieces, nephews, uncles, cousins,
we need members by the dozens!
All kinds of people in the Patchwork Family!
We're gonna be happy as can be,
because it's certified and stated
that everyone's related in the Patchwork Family!

I've been accused of making that one up. I didn't. I swear.

Checking in

2005-07-11T10:08:00.000-05:00

Ear: still screwed up. It's getting very gradually better, but if it were progressing any more slowly, it would be going backwards.

Bathroom ceiling: leak fixed, hole plastered, maintenance dude coming in today to texture that area to match the rest of the ceiling. While he was fixing the ceiling, he broke our showerhead. Either it broke completely and he glued it back together, or he knocked it accidentally and caused a hairline fracture. It came off in Michael's hand when he was adjusting it the next day. It was one of those $40 jobbies that has 3 settings and a detachable head (for undercarriage cleaning, of course). He replaced it the next day, but he replaced it with the $2 showerhead that came standard with the apartment when we moved in. I'm rather annoyed about that. I'm gonna pitch a bitch about it later.

Work: still proofing. Still enjoying it. Break over.

Lend me your ear

2005-07-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

It's like day 8 or 9 of my ear being all screwed up. I lost one of the teeny vinyl o-rings from a piece of jewelry I wear in the conch of that ear, so I put 2 and 2 together and decided that there must be a teeny vinyl foreign body in my ear causing the discomfort. I tried shaking my head around in the hopes of dislodging it, but nothing happened. I called my doctor's office and said that I was starting to think that the o-ring fell in there, and they referred me to an ear/nose/throat doctor. I saw him this afternoon.

The man was a caricature. He had the world's worst toupee and a lazy eye. He was tall and skeletal looking. He talked to me as if I were 3 years old and scared of visiting the doctor. I wanted to tell him to stop rambling and get to the point so I could get back to work. He spent 8000 words explaining that my ear is trying to heal and to leave it the hell alone. He took a framed color diagram of an ear, and used his fountain pen to draw on the glass to emphasize that there are dark spots on my ear drum. He said that if he showed a picture of my ear to an expert in [insert geographic location - he specified about 6 of them] that the expert would ask how it looked 3 days later, because that's about how long it will take to heal.

He said that there were popped blisters on my ear drum, from the infection of a week ago. There's no fluid there now, but my ear will continue to feel weird until the blisters heal completely. He put some cortisone cream on my ear drum, and expended another thousand or two words on telling me that I didn't need to have any additional antibiotics or anything.

So basically, I'm out another $20 co-pay, had to endure a doctor telling me in 30 minutes what he could tell me in one, and I have to stay at work an extra hour to make up the time. The up-side is that I don't have to waste any more creativity on imagining what's in my ear.

Earwiggin'

2005-07-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

My left ear is still all stuffed up. It's driving me absolutely insane.

Whenever I have a tickle in my ear, or any aural discomfort, I can't help but think of the movie Brokedown Palace. The character in question is in a Thai prison, and a bug crawls into her ear. Since I am severely phobic about bugs, this is very disturbing thinking and exacerbates the discomfort quite a bit. It's even worse because I found 2 centipedes in my bedroom right at the head of my bed a couple of weeks ago. My husband dutifully dispatched them, and allowed me to do a thorough check of the whole room, all the bedding, and my CPAP machine (can you imagine how much it would have sucked [blown?] if one had been lurking in my CPAP tubing? Crikey! It gives me the shakes just considering it!) before we turned out the light, but now I keep thinking back to those crawly bastards.

My rational mind knows that there is not a colony of centipedes living in my ear. Dr. Parker would have seen them when he looked in my ears last Thursday, and I'd have considerably more discomfort. However, maybe it's just possible that the centipedes are burrowing into the part of my brain that houses the rational mind. Maybe it's incredibly rational, but the pressure of the egg sacs makes me think it's irrational!

Feh. Fine. I know better. But this clogged ear is still driving me buggy.

Spleenless in Seattle

2005-07-05T13:05:00.000-05:00

Well, not in Seattle. But I am spleenless. My lack of spleen is due to the staging surgery that was done when I was 15, to determine the extent of my cancer. So now, 15 years later, my immune system can't do shit for shit.

This simple little head cold that my in-laws had when they invited us over a couple of weekends ago has turned into the bastard flu for me. It is a very mean illness. This illness has kicked my ass, knocked me down, and taken my wallet. It stole my car and drove it through Westroads mall, stopping at Godiva to spend $400 of my money on white chocolate, which is my very least favorite kind! This illness broke into my next-door neighbor's house and ran up his phone bill with calls to Guatemala, then took a dump on his living room rug. This illness kicked a puppy. This illness ate the last pop tart and put the empty box back in the cupboard so we would think we had more pop tarts when we don't. This illness is going to leave a tack on your chair, so please check it before you sit down next time.

My left ear is all stuffed up, still. I keep waiting for a liter of water to spill out and my hearing to return completely, like after you get out of a pool and hop on one foot. It hasn't happened yet, and people at work keep looking at me strangely.

I'm on day 4 of the holiest-fuckest of holy-fuck antibiotics. I have one more day of Zithromax, and then it keeps on working for 5 more days on its own. That's just freaky.

If I am not symptom-free by the 13th, they won't take my autologous blood. C'mon body. Kick the bastard flu out on its ass. I'm sick of its shenanigans.

Ticked off

2005-07-01T11:26:00.000-05:00

I added the above ticker to track the days until surgery. Afterwards, I will make another ticker to track my weight loss.

Update on illness: My lungs are filled with goop and my throat hurts, but I think I may be kicking this without the antibiotics. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Phlegm, blood, and pee

2005-06-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

Update on illness: It's moved out of my sinuses, and into my ears and chest. I saw the doctor today, and he put me on a prescription cough syrup with decongestant. We're unsure whether or not it's viral, but with the weekend coming up, he wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic. He told me to hang onto it for a couple of days and see if the stuff clears up on its own.

Update on surgery: I have my appointment with the Red Cross to have my blood drawn. I was told by a doctor in the bariatric surgery department that the need for a transfusion for the procedure I'm having is only about 1-2% likely, and even with my medical history and past surgery, the probability is only bumped up to about 3%. She told me that it was still a reasonable precaution to have one unit of blood drawn. So, my appointment is July 13th at 9:15 AM. That gives me plenty of time to recover from this respiratory nastiness, and plenty of time to build new blood after the unit is drawn.

I'm sad that they won't use my blood on someone else if they don't use it on me. I am indefinitely deferred because I've had a splenectomy and because I've had Hodgkin's Disease. It's a shame because I'm the kind of person who would donate regularly.

Update on bathroom ceiling: I don't think I posted about this before, but our bathroom ceiling used to leak massive amounts of water all over the floor because our upstairs neighbors have the shower running All The Time. We called apartment maintenance and they "fixed" it, but we think they just replastered the ceiling. We've been watching the last few months as the same spot has gradually discolored and warped.

Last night, I woke up at 3 AM having to pee. I had to pee because I was dreaming of running water. I was dreaming of running water because our bathroom ceiling was leaking profusely. I grabbed a big heavy towel and threw it on the bathroom floor, used the can while trying to get rained on as little as possible, and then woke my husband up. He looked at the torrential downpour, told me he'd call maintenance in the morning, and went back to sleep. I went upstairs and knocked on our neighbor's door for several minutes, but no one answered. I came back downstairs, knowing that I would not be able to sleep while it was raining in my bathroom, and went to check on the status of the leak. Luckily, it had slowed to the moderate drip that we had seen during the last series of bathroom leaks. I conceded that nothing could be done, and was able to sleep.

Maintenance is coming tomorrow. Damn my upstairs neighbor for putting us in a position to have maintenance in our apartment. Now we have to clean and stuff.

Gooftacular

2005-06-29T10:17:00.000-05:00

My supervisor came to me with another error I made. It was a different page with a different item, but it was the same type of goof I made before. I sat there, numbly wondering how I could goof again (on the same issue!) so soon after being told about my other goof. I apologized and promised to be more careful. My supervisor walked away and I continued with my work, all the while chewing and rechewing over the question of how I could have blown it again.

A thought occurred to me. I went to my supervisor and asked what date I had made the second mistake. It turns out that it was on the same day as the other one. Whew. I still feel dumb for making the mistake in the first place, but at least it wasn't after the problem was pointed out to me.

Update on my illness: My tonsils are not quite as huge today (possibly due to the drinking of hot tea and then mass quantities of ice water) but my sinuses are draining some scary looking crud. (Yeah, I'm one of those people who checks out what the stuff looks like. I'm keeping tabs on what my body's producing. I'm like a very responsible factory foreman.) It's got texture and various colors, and even some blood. I'm seriously scared of it. It looks like it could sprout legs and come and get me. And it breeds in my sinuses!

Update on caffeine: I have been a perfect angel about giving up caffeine. There is a bottle of diet Pepsi that we got without warning with food delivery like 2 months ago, and I have not even so much as cracked the cap. Today, however... well, I forgot to bring herbal tea bags with me, and I wanted a hot drink to soothe my throat. I allowed myself some tea, but only kept the tea bag in it for as long as it took to fill the cup with hot water and walk to the trash can. It tasted glorious.

Craftiness, snottiness, and cuteness.

2005-06-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

Remember how I said that I love craft stores? Well, I think I'm in trouble. I've just been trained on a new book. It's almost solely arts and crafts supplies.

I'm feeling so sick. We went over to the in-laws' place and they were sick. Now I am sick. My head is stuffed with fiberfill. My tonsils are larger than my feet. I want to die, but that seems like too much work.

Willow has discovered the joy of bellyrubs. Now that she has made this discovery, she wants them all the time. The other day, she used her soporifirays to make me fall back to sleep after I had turned off the alarm. I was consequently late for work. My husband had a little chat with her that night and explained the importance of not making mommy late for work. Since then, she has not cuddled in bed with me in the morning. This denial of cuteness was also unacceptable, so my husband had another talk with her and explained that she can cuddle with me as long as the alarm is still on snooze. She doesn't seem to understand the distinction, however. Stupid cat.

A Quick and Dirty I.Q. Test

2005-06-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Meh.

Proffreedimication part 2

2005-06-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

I made some passing comment about how I'd blown it, and I was immediately told by about 5 different people that I was being silly and that it wasn't that big a deal. Also, I was only one of several people who looked at the page after the problem occurred, so it doesn't all rest on me.

I feel better. I still would have preferred to have left my temp assignment with them believing me the best thing since sliced bread, but I think I'm still appreciated. Hopefully when I am done recovering from my surgery, I will still have a pretty good chance of getting a permanent placement here.

Speaking of my surgery, I finally remembered to call and see if I can have some of my own blood drawn in case I need a transfusion during surgery. I was directed to call the blood bank, at which point I was directed back to my doctor to have an order written. I spoke with Jill in the bariatric surgery department, and she is going to get it all arranged for me and call me back.

The person at the blood bank told me they generally draw about 2-3 units for that type of procedure. That's a lot of blood, isn't it? Maybe that would be a viable weight loss option. Just keep taking blood away from me.

Proffreedimication

2005-06-27T10:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I made my first big goof at work. *sigh*

They do several different versions of each catalog, and drop them at different regions. For each version, they change the prefixes for the items, so that when an order is placed, they can track the region and build their statistics. So, each version has to be proofed, but in a less intensive way. The proofer is supposed to look at the prefixes, make sure nothing has moved around on the page, make sure the images are all the same, and check all the copyright marks to make sure they didn't revert to ASCII.

Because I sit right next to the person who builds the packages for proofing, and because I have only been trained on a limited range of books (yeah, some of the rules change from one book to the other, though they all pretty much sell the same thing), I was the one who looked at most of the versions. Well, I missed a very important thing. Apparently there was an error of some kind that caused some text to move over a bit, which caused the price to be pushed to the next line, which moved it under the next image down. So, for one item in that run of catalogs, the price is essentially missing.

They printed tens of thousands of these before the problem was noticed.

So my record has been blemished. My supervisor tells me that worse mistakes have been made, and that they're still going to use the catalogs, and that I'm not in trouble. However, I still feel horrible, and I'm not as confident that I will be able to get a permanent position here now. Tracey tells me that I shouldn't worry about it, but I'm a worrier. Not worrying about stuff like that would be like not blowing my nose when it's runny.

Jess is a tired monkey

2005-06-25T08:23:00.000-05:00

Why is it so much more difficult to gather up the gumption to go to work on a Saturday?

We have a Tuesday deadline for the catalog I'm proofing, so I offered to come in on Saturday and take the time off on the following Friday. (I would do overtime for the money, but they don't want to pay time and a half at temp rates.) So here I am, finally awake after hitting snooze eleventy billion times, and still dragging my heels about getting ready.

Man, I'm not even sure I have anything clean to wear. *sigh*

Back on the MMORPG note, I wrote the backstory for one of my characters. It turned out darker than I expected.