Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Welcome to the Matrix

Some of you may have read my recent blog posts, or seen my pics on Flickr.com, and wondered just who the hell Erica and Sam are. Well, it's about time I posted about them, because they are extremely important to me.

First, some background. You may not know this, but Michael and I are polyamorous. That link goes to a resource with a wealth of information about the topic, but it's still the kind of term that means different things to different people, like "agnosticism", or "awesome", or "eight inches". When Michael and I met, we agreed that poly basically meant that we would not be monogamous, but would count one another as "primary" and would do nothing and no one without making certain that it would not adversely affect one another. As time goes on, our definition of poly evolves and changes, but so far at the same rate in the same direction, so it's all good. Michael and I both came into the relationship identifying as poly, which (in addition to myriad other things) clinched the deal on selling us on one another. For most of our relationship, with a few minor dalliances, our polyamory has been largely theoretical. Recently, this has changed.

Enter Sam and Erica Tesla. Our relationship with them is still relatively new, but hell - humans' relationship with the planet Earth is still relatively new. In any event, we're rapidly becoming a polyfamily with group marriage as the eventual result, if all goes as it has been. We already have a name for our hypothetical commune - Doublemeat Palace.

Between our two households, we have six cats. This is especially daunting to me and Sam, as he and I are the catbox cleaners for our respective homes.

As if four adults and six cats were not enough, we will have to make room for Erica's other boyfriend, Will. I know very little about Will, but he will be coming to Omaha in July, and I will get to meet him then.

Our relationship matrix has already had some awesome benefits. For one thing, we're having a lot of fun. More people = more stuff going on at any given time. I have hardly had a moment to take a deep breath in the last few weeks, let alone to blog. Sure, that can be considered a negative impact, too... but how exciting would my blog be if I had no life about which to post?

Another benefit is the increased confidence we're all experiencing. It's one thing to be told by your significant other that you're beautiful. When your three significant others all agree that you're stunning, how can you argue? This has helped me get back on track with my weight loss (as has the additional... um... exercise.)

Michael's confidence has also improved greatly. For this I am definitely thankful. The thing that frustrates me most about my husband is his self-deprecation. Seeing the reduction of that is certainly something to celebrate.

There have already been many "I love you"s tossed about, and we already mean them. Michael and I were certain we were in love with one another on our first date, and we were only slightly less quick to be certain with Sam and Erica. We are constantly discussing our thoughts, feelings, motivations, and concerns, and all of the communication stuff that every relationship (poly or monogamous) should have discussions about. When done properly, poly relationships are healthier simply because of all of this communication. Of course, if done improperly, we'll end up Jerry Springerfodder.

Truly though, I feel really confident about the probability of this succeeding. All of us are really self-aware, and committed to making this work. Still, we are approaching the possible consolidation with all due caution, and it will probably not be for a couple of years that it occurs. We want to make sure we have a good amount of proven success at making our lives together work before we explain the whole concept to Michael's parents.

Anyway, the bottom line here is that I am really-really happy. That's what you all really-really want for me, right?


Interesting note: when I was first typing the post, I typoed "hypothetical commune" as "hypoethical commune." Hmmm.

posted by Blogger Jess @ 6/06/2006 9:03 PM

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