It's not OK, Cupid. Volume 1?
I think I was as nice as I could be.
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Feb 5, 2014 – 11:37am
gorgeous gorgeous beautiful lady why are you single???? - Feb 5, 2014 – 5:17pm
hey how was your day??? hoping to hear from you - Feb 7, 2014 – 11:27am
hey how are you today??? happy friday haven't heard back from you -
Feb 7, 2014 – 11:37am
Thank you for the compliment about my picture. I really do appreciate the interest. If you've read my profile you'll see that I really do require a little more in an initial message, and those requirements do a lot of the filtering needed in finding the right people who'll match me well.
However, due to your persistence, I took a look. Reading through your profile and questions, I think we're really not a match. There are quite a few dealbreaker issues.
Again, I appreciate the messages and I wish you well in your search! - Feb 7, 2014 – 11:50am
would you please tell me why you think that they are just questions I am very interested in you - Feb 7, 2014 – 11:54am
There are a lot of reasons, but first and foremost is the fact that you have not complied with my request in my profile. That means either that you have not read it, or that you are not interested in meeting my most basic requests, or both. In either case, it means that my level of disappointment in our connection is guaranteed to be higher than I'll accept.
Review my profile thoroughly. Read the last part thoroughly. Comply with my requests... THEN we'll talk. If you opt not to, that's fine, but I won't be interested in exploring this conversation further. - Feb 7, 2014 – 11:58am
I guess I don't understand what you mean I read your profile ALL of it that is why I contacted you we have alot in common - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:00pm
Did you read this part?
And very importantly:
...at least 2 of the following 3 apply:
o you've got a descriptive profile that really showcases your personality
o you've answered a metric fuckton of questions truthfully so I can get an idea of how you think
o you're willing to send me a message of reasonable length initially that tells me a lot about who you are, what I might dig about you, and what drew you to my profile.
(Why is that last part so important?
It's important to me because I've made an investment by putting myself so thoroughly out here. When I receive messages that consist of a few words or an invitation to "ask me anything, lol" sent by people with practically non-existent profiles, it's a dismissal of my request for a little effort in return. Even worse is when it's followed up with "tell me more about yourself!"
No, srsly! People have the nerve to do that when presented with this massive book of a profile and nearly 4000 questions answered.
Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to spend anything close to the amount of time I have on a profile or match questions, and I'm not looking for a masterpiece of a first message... but it would be ridiculous to expect me to spend even more time thinking up questions relevant to you with little to no effort at the outset from you.
So yeah, a lack of response from me may have something to do with these last paragraphs that you're likely not even reading, but there is an opportunity for serious brownie points if your message to me demonstrates that you cared enough about my time and effort to read my profile in full.) - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:02pm
yes I read that I read all of your profile you seem like an honest woman - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:04pm
So you don't see why I feel you have opted then to ignore my request? - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:05pm
resquest??? to type a very long message I am confused lol - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:06pm
This is why we are not a match. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as bitchy. I really am not intending to... but this is the illustration of our disconnect. - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:14pm
lol I don't even know what to say I am baffled I don't even know what you are talking about - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:26pm
There were 3 options, of which 2 were requested:
A thorough and very descriptive profile. (Yours is very sparse.)
A lot of questions answered. (You've answered a lot, and we have a 28% match percentage as a result. One would think you'd try to mitigate with a strng showing in the other 2 options.)
A long message to let me know you've read my profile and offer some touchstones for discussion.
I'm sorry that this seems difficult to understand. I have my profile here as a means to meet people who match me, who connect, with whom I will get along. When I get a one line compliment from soneone and no indication of a reason we'll connect, it doesn't pique my interest. It becomes work. It becomes a test of diplomacy. It becomes an opportunity for me to either say something and risk sounding standoffish, or not say something and risk being called a bitch, cause people do that.
As an experiment, ask a female friend to show you her OKC messages. We get a LOT of people sending us stuff who have no real connection. I'd rather spend my energy on people willing to show effort. Is that so wrong? - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:30pm
U know I would do anything u wish me to. I find u very interesting as also very beautiful. U aren't being bitchy at all. Honest yes. I like that. This match thing is just on a dating site. Means nothing really. More when to people meet be together laugh is more important - Feb 7, 2014 – 12:43pm
I've been using it for over 10 years and have always found it to be a very good indicator of potential. When it's not there here, it is typically just as awkward in person. -
- Feb 7, 2014 – 12:56pm
You've read my profile. I've had out for 10 years through a lot of relationships. I'm poly. I had a poly marriage. I had long term poly relationships. I'm currently not attached, but having a partner is not the definition of success. I'm an autonomous person. -
- Feb 7, 2014 – 12:57pm
I like the sound of that. I am adventurous also -
- Feb 7, 2014 – 1:16pm
Yes it is. The experiences involved with them - Feb 7, 2014 – 1:23pm
Look. I've given you a lot of my time now. If I consider the things you've asked to be observations from my profile, which I really do not, you've still only made inaccurate assumptions and oversimplifications about my life. It's offensive, frankly. If you choose to reassess your tactic and make real effort to understand what I've given you in my profile and my messages before recontacting me, I put your chance of success at a really low number... probably the same 28% as our match percentage. If not, I put the chance of success at zero. Up to you. - Feb 7, 2014 – 1:26pm
I think your profile is hard to understand. U are confusing. U seem sweet. If u want a fun honest true affectionate guy. Here I am - Feb 7, 2014 – 1:36pm
My profile is hard to understand for the people who are wrong for me. Someone else just today told me it was the clearest most roadmap-like profile he had ever seen.
Again, good luck in your search. -
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- Feb 7, 2014 – 1:44pm
Why am I single? Because so many men are not worth the time. You are now blocked.
posted by Jess @ 2:44 AM
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