Why I'm not posting on Facebook today

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook about Nebraska RIS, a property management company in Lincoln that handles my boyfriend's old apartment. Today I woke up to the following:

While I had tagged Nebraska RIS in my post, nothing in my post violates the Facebook community guidelines. However, someone who commented on my post included the owner's email address for the purposes of spamming her.

I am banned from posting, commenting, liking, or breathing on Facebook for 24 hours. When I tried, I was given a link to appeal the decision. When I tried that, I repeatedly got an error.

So basically, Facebook has allowed itself to be used, by a company with reprehensible business practices, to harass me further after already costing me money. Good job, Facebook!

Bye, Felipe!

You may be familiar with the Facebook and Instagram feeds for Bye, Felipe. If not, go Google for it. I'll wait.

Find it? Good.

So that's some wild stuff, right? Surely these are not common responses, right?

Wrong.

I've had quite a few. I had one guy tell me that I should get gang raped so it would knock the snot off my nose, after I told him I wasn't interested. Totally unacceptable, no matter how snarky I was, but at least there was a catalyst for an outburst of SOME kind on that interaction.

But what about when it comes out of the blue, even without rejection?

Witness:

So yeah, that happened.

Update!! He came back. He's still chock full of entitlement. I can't wait to see what he says to my last message!


Update some more!

It's no longer amusing. Now it's just sad.

#selfcare

No matter how lonely I get, I need to remember not to revisit this ground.

1/9/15 edit

He got the last word. Bet he's proud of himself.

OFFS, he's still at it.

I'm so glad he remembers what was important about the relationship.

Round 15.

I no longer care about editing out his phone number.

Update

He created a craigslist ad and put my personal information in it, along with all the places I can be found, and my phone number.

I've called the police and filed a report. They're tracking him down to have a talking to with him. Hopefully this scares him off. In the meanwhile, I've had 50 text messages and calls from the people who saw the ad during the three hours it was up, and after telling them all what happened, there were various reactions. Some understood and backed off. Some got pissy about being rejected. Some asked me out anyway, and some offered to kick his ass (so hard to turn those down). 

Mainly I'm scared to go home alone or do the things I love, because this asshole tainted the places I always felt safe. I have never wished ill on an ex, and I don't want this to be how I feel... but I kind of do... and I hate him for making me feel that way.

Advice from the broken

We're all a little bit broken. From time to time we all need perspectives from others, but crud... everyone's so broken. The upside is that we're all broken in different ways, and our brokenness may not preclude us from seeing other people's fixes clearly. In fact, helping others may help us to help ourselves, either with a new way to look at our own problems as well, or simply by letting us feel good about doing something for other people.

To that end, I am thinking about reviving my old advice column. I would likely start fresh since the old one was written by a really really young version of me, a long long time ago. I'd hope that I've gained a little more wisdom since then. However, if you're interested in a few chuckles, you can certainly read my old columns.

If you're interested in perhaps appearing in my first column, please email advice [at] narcissica.com

It's not OK, Cupid. Volume 1?

I think I was as nice as I could be.

• 
  Feb 5, 2014 – 11:37am
  

  gorgeous gorgeous beautiful lady why are you single????

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match

  
• Feb 5, 2014 – 5:17pm
  

  hey how was your day??? hoping to hear from you

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 11:27am
  

  hey how are you today??? happy friday haven't heard back from you

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 11:37am
  

  Thank you for the compliment about my picture. I really do appreciate the interest. If you've read my profile you'll see that I really do require a little more in an initial message, and those requirements do a lot of the filtering needed in finding the right people who'll match me well.
  
  However, due to your persistence, I took a look. Reading through your profile and questions, I think we're really not a match. There are quite a few dealbreaker issues.
  
  Again, I appreciate the messages and I wish you well in your search!

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 11:50am
  

  would you please tell me why you think that they are just questions I am very interested in you

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 11:54am
  

  There are a lot of reasons, but first and foremost is the fact that you have not complied with my request in my profile. That means either that you have not read it, or that you are not interested in meeting my most basic requests, or both. In either case, it means that my level of disappointment in our connection is guaranteed to be higher than I'll accept.
  
  Review my profile thoroughly. Read the last part thoroughly. Comply with my requests... THEN we'll talk. If you opt not to, that's fine, but I won't be interested in exploring this conversation further.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 11:58am
  

  I guess I don't understand what you mean I read your profile ALL of it that is why I contacted you we have alot in common

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:00pm
  

  Did you read this part?
  
  And very importantly:
  ...at least 2 of the following 3 apply:
  o you've got a descriptive profile that really showcases your personality
  o you've answered a metric fuckton of questions truthfully so I can get an idea of how you think
  o you're willing to send me a message of reasonable length initially that tells me a lot about who you are, what I might dig about you, and what drew you to my profile.
  
  (Why is that last part so important?
  
  It's important to me because I've made an investment by putting myself so thoroughly out here. When I receive messages that consist of a few words or an invitation to "ask me anything, lol" sent by people with practically non-existent profiles, it's a dismissal of my request for a little effort in return. Even worse is when it's followed up with "tell me more about yourself!"
  
  No, srsly! People have the nerve to do that when presented with this massive book of a profile and nearly 4000 questions answered.
  
  Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to spend anything close to the amount of time I have on a profile or match questions, and I'm not looking for a masterpiece of a first message... but it would be ridiculous to expect me to spend even more time thinking up questions relevant to you with little to no effort at the outset from you.
  
  So yeah, a lack of response from me may have something to do with these last paragraphs that you're likely not even reading, but there is an opportunity for serious brownie points if your message to me demonstrates that you cared enough about my time and effort to read my profile in full.)

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:02pm
  

  yes I read that I read all of your profile you seem like an honest woman

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:04pm
  

  So you don't see why I feel you have opted then to ignore my request?

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:05pm
  

  resquest??? to type a very long message I am confused lol

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:06pm
  

  This is why we are not a match. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as bitchy. I really am not intending to... but this is the illustration of our disconnect.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:14pm
  

  lol I don't even know what to say I am baffled I don't even know what you are talking about

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:26pm
  

  There were 3 options, of which 2 were requested:
  A thorough and very descriptive profile. (Yours is very sparse.)
  A lot of questions answered. (You've answered a lot, and we have a 28% match percentage as a result. One would think you'd try to mitigate with a strng showing in the other 2 options.)
  A long message to let me know you've read my profile and offer some touchstones for discussion.
  
  I'm sorry that this seems difficult to understand. I have my profile here as a means to meet people who match me, who connect, with whom I will get along. When I get a one line compliment from soneone and no indication of a reason we'll connect, it doesn't pique my interest. It becomes work. It becomes a test of diplomacy. It becomes an opportunity for me to either say something and risk sounding standoffish, or not say something and risk being called a bitch, cause people do that.
  
  As an experiment, ask a female friend to show you her OKC messages. We get a LOT of people sending us stuff who have no real connection. I'd rather spend my energy on people willing to show effort. Is that so wrong?

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:30pm
  

  U know I would do anything u wish me to. I find u very interesting as also very beautiful. U aren't being bitchy at all. Honest yes. I like that. This match thing is just on a dating site. Means nothing really. More when to people meet be together laugh is more important

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:43pm
  

  I've been using it for over 10 years and have always found it to be a very good indicator of potential. When it's not there here, it is typically just as awkward in person.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:47pm
  

  Why are u single then?

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:56pm
  

  You've read my profile. I've had out for 10 years through a lot of relationships. I'm poly. I had a poly marriage. I had long term poly relationships. I'm currently not attached, but having a partner is not the definition of success. I'm an autonomous person.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:56pm
  

  Had it, not out. Swype correction.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 12:57pm
  

  I like the sound of that. I am adventurous also

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:09pm
  

  It's not about adventure.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:16pm
  

  Yes it is. The experiences involved with them

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:23pm
  

  Look. I've given you a lot of my time now. If I consider the things you've asked to be observations from my profile, which I really do not, you've still only made inaccurate assumptions and oversimplifications about my life. It's offensive, frankly. If you choose to reassess your tactic and make real effort to understand what I've given you in my profile and my messages before recontacting me, I put your chance of success at a really low number... probably the same 28% as our match percentage. If not, I put the chance of success at zero. Up to you.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:26pm
  

  I think your profile is hard to understand. U are confusing. U seem sweet. If u want a fun honest true affectionate guy. Here I am

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:36pm
  

  My profile is hard to understand for the people who are wrong for me. Someone else just today told me it was the clearest most roadmap-like profile he had ever seen.
  
  Again, good luck in your search.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:38pm
  

  He must of been drunk

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:39pm
  

  And now, you can go fuck yourself.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match
• 
  Feb 7, 2014 – 1:42pm
  

  Be better fucking u

  Message from outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match

  
• Feb 7, 2014 – 1:44pm
  

  Why am I single? Because so many men are not worth the time. You are now blocked.

  Sent to outdoorsguy1515
  

  28% Match