Product Review: amande cultured almond milk

I'm noticing a trend here. The brand names of products that mimic other products tend to be written in lowercase on their packaging. I think this is to designate their inferiority.

amande is not yogurt.

It's not yogurt, but that's ok. It's more or less palatable.

If you are expecting it to be yogurt, you won't be as upset as you would be if it were made of soy, but you'd still be a little crestfallen. It's too sweet and a little gelatinous. If you mix it really well and whip in some air it's a little more tolerable.

I'd still far prefer to be eating yogurt, I'm not gonna lie. The dairy-free yogurt I bought the other day was much, much better, but it was also $1.67. This one was on sale 5 for $5. I have no idea what it typically costs, but I'm thinking that, all other things being equal, I would probably choose the lactose-free milk yogurt every time.

It's expensive to be lactose-intolerant. Try not to do that.

Product Review: teese soy cheese

I hate being lactose intolerant. Most of the dairy substitute products I've tried lately add insult to injury.

The other day, I tried soy "cheese". The one I tried is called teese. It tastes like dismay.

Imagine a product that consists of plastic and lipstick, blended smoothly and formed into something that looks like fresh mozzarella from a distance, but feels like slightly less jiggly jello. You'd have teese.

My taste buds still need a shower.