Product Review: teese soy cheese

I hate being lactose intolerant. Most of the dairy substitute products I've tried lately add insult to injury.

The other day, I tried soy "cheese". The one I tried is called teese. It tastes like dismay.

Imagine a product that consists of plastic and lipstick, blended smoothly and formed into something that looks like fresh mozzarella from a distance, but feels like slightly less jiggly jello. You'd have teese.

My taste buds still need a shower.